Or so a spammer by the name of Sqnj Egywahy would like me to believe.
Apparently this sister worries about me so much that she arranges for ” Ipolqeogoj” to send blank newsletters (copyright Eigqhux) and images of Viagra tablets to me.
Such a thoughtful sister. Remind me to send her a roll of exposed film and a used bus ticket at Christmas.
Samuel
4 comments April 6th, 2009 at 02:51am
Whilst looking through News Limited’s fairly uninteresting gallery of photos from this afternoon’s peak hour blackout in the Sydney CBD I noticed this:
(click to enlarge)
Notice anything out of the ordinary here? A closer look might help:
That looks like Colin’s mobile number is in the caption. I’m not about to call Colin to check if he gave News Limited permission to publish his mobile number, as it is after midnight, however I might just have to do so during daylight hours. I’ve blurred the last few digits of Colin’s mobile number, but News Limited didn’t.
And if News Limited do have Colin’s permission to publish his mobile number, I do have to wonder what newsworthy purpose it serves, as I can’t see how Colin has anything to do with this blackout other than being one of the many people who was caught in it.
Samuel
March 31st, 2009 at 12:23am
A judge in Pennsylvania seems to think so:
DUI Defendant Claims He Is His Own Country
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Associated Press/Fox NewsEASTON, Pa. — A man accused of driving drunk said Pennsylvania courts have no jurisdiction over him because he’s his own country. After seeing the paperwork that 44-year-old Scott Allan Witmer filed with the court claiming sovereignty, a Northampton County judge said Tuesday he cannot be released from jail until he gets a mental exam.
Witmer, who represented himself, said he believes police lack jurisdiction to pull him over. As he said in court: “I live inside myself, not in Pennsylvania.” He said there is no victim in the crime and asked to go to trial.
Defense attorney James Connell, Witmer’s standby counsel, said a challenge to the traffic stop would need to be filed as a pretrial motion.
As long as the court doesn’t end up ruling that being your own country is a good enough defence, I’ll be happy. The precedent which would be set by letting people off because they claim to be a country would be intolerable.
Samuel
March 12th, 2009 at 11:25pm
This press release gave me a good laugh when it came across my desk a few minutes ago:
Free cycling training for local councils, community groups and employers in NSW
AustCycle is a new, national cycling training scheme that has been established by the Amy Gillett Foundation, the Bicycle Federation of Australia and Cycling Australia. AustCycle’s aim is to deliver high quality cycling training, by accredited trainers, to Australians of all ages so that they can ride further, more often, more confidently and more safely. This will result in healthier, happier Australians and a safer, cleaner environment.
Thanks to the Department of Environment and Climate Change, NSW (DECC), a limited number of DECC Cycling Vouchers, each worth $360 (plus GST), are now available FREE to local councils, community groups and employers in NSW. Vouchers can be used for adult AustCycle training courses, for everyone from beginners to experienced riders.
For further information about the vouchers, contact DECC via email at OnYourBike@environment.nsw.gov.au. To apply for a voucher, simply fill in the DECC Faxback Form available o n the AustCycle website.
Find out more about AustCycle at www.austcycle.com.au. For more information on this media release, please contact (name and mobile number removed – samuel).
About AustCycle
AustCycle is a new, national cycling training scheme that has been established by the Amy Gillett Foundation, the Bicycle Federation of Australia and Cycling Australia.
Full press release and any supporting media files are available here
One wonders if these cycling lessosn can be abused to the extent that I could have one of their “trainers” ferry me around on a bike with them doing all of the peddling while I “observe them for educational purposes”?
Samuel
2 comments March 10th, 2009 at 02:49pm
Looks like Gmail doesn’t handle email timestamps which appear to be in the future as well as it could
Anybody feel like emailing the lotto numbers back in time to me?
Samuel
March 9th, 2009 at 03:57am
Are you looking for a new job?
Do you enjoy complicating things?
Do people often struggle or fail to comprehend your decisions?
Do you often struggle or fail to comprehend your decisions?
Do you believe that the quickest way from point A to point B is via points C through F, L through Q and Y via H?
When you follow a map, do you still end up in the wrong place?
If you answered yes to all of these questions, then ACTION want you to become a valuable member of their network planning team. In reality, the word “planning” gives the wrong impression…what ACTION want is somebody who revels in chaos and can make their network even harder to comprehend than it currently is.
Being able to write gibberish which can be fed to the Minister for Territory and Municipal Services which will then be used to fill articles in The Chronicle will be considered advantageous.
Questions regarding this position should be directed to contact officer Tim Swift on (02) 6207 8000 as per the ACT Government Jobs page. Applications should be sent to jobs@act.gov.au addressing the above criteria and including the application cover sheet available from http://www.jobs.act.gov.au/application_information.
What brought on this extraordinary outburst I hear you ask? Quite simple really. I caught the 25 from Woden to Cooleman Court, got off at the first stop on McInnes Street and walked the rest of the way. I beat the bus to Cooleman Court by seven minutes.
Add to this the odd belief that people don’t want to travel before 8am on Sundays, and the even weirder belief that Erindale, via a lengthy detour through Wanniassa, is a major town centre on weekends…a belief which adds a lot of time to the run between Woden and Tuggeranong, and I think you start to catch my drift.
Samuel
March 3rd, 2009 at 01:58pm
If so, then Lee Teacher, the great spam-monger of China has an exclusive solution to change the fate of diplomas. Here’s an automatically translated (thank you Google) copy of the email that the wonderful Mr. Teacher sent to me:
Will be able to help you to glory! !
Please retain the exclusive agent to prepare for emergency
Once you graduate because there is no university degree can not find an ideal job? Or in practical work, although you have accumulated a wealth of experience because of their never attended university, there are no graduate diploma and lost the opportunity to be upgraded? At present, all employing units in hiring staff, are required to have formal qualifications at diploma or degree, so have a real stand up to any form of formal verification audit of a university degree would be much better than those who do not have a university degree of job-seekers! ! What is also hesitant, with a university degree diploma degree, greatly increasing your work and career chances of success!!You have no diploma and can not find a good job trouble? Also no diploma title can not substantially improve the treatment of income and worried about it? Also assessed as a unit title, promoted, promotion and pay no formal university qualifications worry you? Or employers for fear of being shut out? If you are job-promotion is faced with the road because there is no formal university education diploma brought about by troubles, my Department will you solve problems, to change the fate of diplomas, certificates to create wealth!!
Exclusive for all the year round:
Formal qualifications Diploma: Full-time统招(focus on general) institutions of higher education qualifications, self-examination (specialist, undergraduate) diploma, adult education (full-time, part-time) diploma and degree certificate (Bachelor, Master, etc.), are to provide an effective comprehensive school files, transcripts,派遣证, e-register into the regular database!! can be notarized by the notary public to ensure the smooth passage of various forms of factual, can be used to take part in the civil service examinations, a variety of qualifying examinations, study section, go abroad, promotion, assessment and other uses titles, the official web site inquiries to verify the stipulated academic qualifications: www.chsi.com.cnContact Phone: 400-626-4334 Lee Teacher
Office of the premises a certificate from the Board of Education institutions at all levels throughout the internal channels in order to check the formal welcome to customers throughout the process, also welcomed the Deputy!!
Several questions:
1. Why should we apply?
Energy-saving time and money in order to completely resolve the work and development issues, such as applying settled commentary job candidates promoted titles such as promotion pay
2. The price of certificates and degrees?
According to different standards to focus on the specialist to the general master’s degree from the 3,500 yuan per month -10000
3. For how long the cycle?
5-7 working daysCall Information:
1. Suited to handle the crowd: possess the necessary professional skills and ability to work, do not want to detour around a waste of time to review the cost of energy from the examination
2. For handling requirements before clear the nature of the academic diploma (统招自考Adult Education graduate job), level (undergraduate specialist graduate), regional institutions (examiners School) name, professional faculty, graduation timeProcess flow:
Application data will be audited to confirm availability came → → → pre-paid 20 percent down payment for a good scan certificate to verify satisfaction with the payment of the balance charge → OriginalContact Phone: 4006264334 Teacher Lee
The best reputation and credibility, exclusive rich resources, have successfully helped a large number of customers at home and complete the dream!! Our aim is to help the vast numbers of undocumented talented friends to help the development of all necessary diploma certificate help! !
After reading that, I think Mujibar might actually be working in the same building as Mujibar:
Mujibar was trying to get a job in India.
The Personnel Manager said, “Mujibar, you have passed all the tests except one. Unless you pass it you cannot qualify for this job.”Mujibar said, “I am ready.”
The Manager said, “Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink and Green.”
Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, “Mister Manager, I am ready.”
The Manager said, “Go ahead.”
Mujibar said, “The telephone goes ‘green green’, I pink it up and say, ‘Yellow, this is Mujibar.’”
Mujibar now works as a technician at a call centre for computer problems. No doubt you have spoken to him.
Now please hold while I go and do the needful.
Samuel
February 15th, 2009 at 06:25am
A hearty congratulations to the numb skull at Nokia who managed to design a phone that can only work out that it has no room left for new text messages when it is receiving one, which it is then unable to store.
Often the phone network will re-deliver the message later, however as I have no idea how many hours passed between the arrival of today’s missing message and my noticing that the phone was urging me to delete old messages, I am starting to doubt that this message will ever be seen by me.
If you sent me a text message today, you should re-send it, because I haven’t seen it.
Or better yet, call me. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again…I hate text messages, I only put up with them due to necessity.
Samuel
February 7th, 2009 at 07:52pm
It’s good to see the Africans getting back in on the bizarre news act…the Chinese have had a virtual monopoly on strange news stories for a bit too long:
Newspaper claims car thief transformed into a goat
Fri Jan 23, 8:37 pm ETLAGOS, Nigeria – One of Nigeria’s biggest daily newspapers reported that police implicated a goat in an attempted automobile theft. In a front-page article on Friday, the Vanguard newspaper said that two men tried to steal a Mazda car two days earlier in Kwara State, with one suspect transforming himself into a goat as vigilantes cornered him.
The paper quoted police spokesman Tunde Mohammed as saying that while one suspect escaped, the other transformed into a goat as he was about to be apprehended.
The newspaper reported that police paraded the goat before journalists, and published a picture of the animal.
Police in the state couldn’t immediately be reached for comment.
Belief in black magic is widespread in Nigeria, particularly in far-flung rural areas.
It gives a whole new meaning to kids stealing cars.
Samuel
February 1st, 2009 at 04:54pm
It’s virtually a boilerplate story now:
A [man/woman] broke the window of a [insert location here] childcare centre with a [insert object here] when [he/she] arrived to find the building locked, the lights out and [his/her] tiny [son/daughter] trapped inside.
This time around it’s a woman from Darwin with a brick:
A woman broke the window of a Darwin childcare centre with a brick when she arrived to find the building locked, the lights out and her tiny son trapped inside.
Yula Williams, 30, said she could hear her eight-month-old baby Xavier “screaming and crying”.
“It made me terrified to know that my son was inside the centre, locked and in the dark,” she said.
Ms Williams had dropped her son off at the centre in the Darwin suburb of Wagaman around 8am (CST) on Tuesday and went to work.
She had dropped her car off at a local mechanic and arranged for one of her cousins to collect her son from the centre before it closed at 6pm (CST). But when she arrived home later that night her son was not at the house.
“It was just a mother’s instinct that I went back to the childcare centre and looked around,” she said.
Ms Williams arrived at the centre shortly before 6pm but staff had already left the building. After scanning all the the security screens the frantic mother climbed the back of the building to call Xavier’s name through elevated slats.”I couldn’t hear him from the outside but when I walked around and called through the vents to the bedrooms I heard him scream,” she told ABC radio in Darwin.
Desperate to get to her tiny son, Ms Williams then picked up a brick from the garden bed and smashed it through a window.
[..]
Ms Williams said that while she could understand the misunderstanding with her relative over the pickup arrangements, she could not understand how the centre had not called her to let her know that no-one had come to collect her son.
Police said they were continuing to conduct investigations into the incident.
I think Ms. Williams summed it up with the statement that she “could not understand how the centre had not called her to let her know that no-one had come to collect her son”, and it’s completely beyond me how they managed to lock up with a child still on the premises…surely the register would have told them that there was still a child in the centre, even if they couldn’t see him.
And with the publicity that stories just like this one have received in recent times, one does have to wonder how long it will be before incompetence is seriously considered as the reason for these stuff ups.
Samuel
January 28th, 2009 at 01:33pm
Hi (removed),
Sorry for the late reply. Yes, I can make it, and to assist with the good service, I will stick a pin in the menu (because it will take me too long to actually decide…unless you can wait until your 22nd birthday) and pre-order “Pollo al Torogoz”.
Knowing me, the likelihood of me being able to eat any desert afterwards is almost nil, so I shall refrain from ordering anything else.
See you Saturday and/or beforehand (where the latter implies an “and” and the lack of the latter implies an “or”, with the former being implied regardless, unless a severe medical or other similar complication removes the ability for the former to be enacted).
Regards,
Samuel
11 comments January 15th, 2009 at 10:55am
Some days detectives just get all the luck:
A 40-year-old Chicago area man allegedly robbed a Chicago bank on Friday using a threatening note written on the back of his own pay slip, which was printed with his name and home address.
Thomas Infante of Cary, Illinois, walked into a Fifth Third Bank at 5.50pm local time and handed a teller a note that read “Be Quick Be Quit (sic). Give your cash or I’ll shoot,” according to an FBI affidavit filed on Monday. The teller gave the man about $US400.
The robber left behind his demand note, written on a torn half of the pay slip.
Investigators found the other half of the note – with Infante’s name and home address – outside the bank’s front doors.
The pay stub showed Infante was paid $US165.99 by Jewel Food Stores on October 23, according to the FBI.
“It’s fairly unusual that we see something that specifically stupid,” said FBI spokesman Ross Rice.
“But overall, we see a lot of strange bank robberies.”
The bank teller described the robber as a man in his late 30s with brown eyes and no front teeth.
Investigators learned Infante may have been living at a home less than two blocks from the bank. They interviewed his brother there, who said Infante had been there earlier and had left a brown jacket behind – the same one seen in a security videotape of the robbery, according to the FBI affidavit.
His brother, shown a photograph taken from the bank security video, also identified him as the robber.
Infante was arrested at his Cary home and later admitted to the robbery, according to the FBI affidavit.
Not exactly the most inspired bank robbery in history. Surely if he wanted to rob bank customers of $400 he could have just taken up a job as a bank executive and introduced a new fee. He might have managed to get away with it then, although with his writing skills he may have created a “reverse fee” where every customer gets $400…hmmm, who runs St. George Bank and how do I make them hire this bloke?
Samuel
1 comment December 31st, 2008 at 07:54am
I certainly hope it’s a December version of April Fools Day, because this story which I heard on the 5am 2UE news, seemingly from The Daily Telegraph, is just bizarre.
TEENAGERS caught with fake identification will be forced to spend an extra six months on their P-plates.
The move comes as police warn of a thriving blackmarket in fraudulent IDs, with students paying up to $80 for professional-quality altered driver’s licences.
To be introduced early next year, police will pass on offenders’ details to the Roads and Traffic Authority and those already on their provisional plates will have the additional six months automatically added.
It will take their minimum time spent on P-plates to 3½ years.
Uh huh, and what about those who don’t have a licence?
Gaming and Racing Minister Kevin Greene said the penalties would be retrospective, meaning youngsters caught and who are unlicensed will still be forced to spend the extra time on their provisional licences.
Apparently it removes the burden from parents…apparently being responsible for people under the age adulthood is a bad thing.
It is also in response to parents bailing out their children by paying the existing $620 fine on their behalf.
“We’re introducing this sanction because P-platers to be punished for using fake IDs risking your driver’s licence strikes a chord with young people,” Mr Greene said.
“Imposing a fine which might cause some fleeting pain – or even none at all if parents are paying it – but having to stay on your P-plates well after all your mates are on their full licence might just get the message through.”
If they’re so serious about making sure that parents aren’t inconvenienced, why not just make it illegal for parents to pay the fine, with some awful penalty if they are proven to have done so.
I’m not sure that referreing to the great deterrent of our legal system, the fine, as “fleeting pain” was such a good idea either.
All that said, it looks like people who never get a licence, and quite possibly those who move interstate, will never have to deal with the extra half a year of a provisional licence. Could this be a novel approach to curing Sydney’s traffic problems?
Samuel
2 comments December 31st, 2008 at 05:20am
What a pity it is that there isn’t going to be a natural thunderstorm around 11:59 on Wednesday night in Sydney. Just think of all the money that the New South Wales government could pump in to schools, roads and hospitals:
SYDNEY will usher in 2009 with a $5 million pyrotechnics display using almost twice as much fireworks as last year.
More than five tonnes of fireworks will explode over Sydney Harbour, in what event organisers have dubbed the Midnight Creation Storm.
The fireworks display will feature “stunning new effects like lightning, thunder and rain,” Sydney New Year’s Eve Creative Director Rhoda Roberts said.
Which makes me wonder why the weather bureau haven’t noticed the impending storm. Their forecast calls for “mostly sunny” weather.
That said, Ms. Roberts has a theory as to why the Sydney forecast hasn’t change, which she explained to The Sydney Morning Herald:
“As we go into the countdown and the fireworks begin, you really are going to be taken away to another world.”
My question though, is where are all of the climate change alarmists? Why aren’t they complaining about the pollution from the fireworks:
More than 5000 kilograms of explosive devices will be fired into the sky, 2000 kilograms more than last year, at a cost of $5 million.
On the bright side, at least we haven’t been fed the usual nonsense about the fireworks being great for the economy, because think about it for a moment, about the only people to make money out of new year’s eve are licenced premises, taxis, and whichever television network has a bunch of inebriated hosts ooohing, aaahing and rambling at the fireworks. The first two would happen regardless of the fireworks, just in a more distributed manner, and the latter, well they’re on all three commercial networks this year as Seven and Nine have worked out that there are fireworks outside of Sydney…wouldn’t be nice if these were people from whom we could be spared.
Samuel
December 30th, 2008 at 06:54am
An abbreviated version of this appears on page three of this morning’s Albury-Wodonga newspaper, The Border Mail. You know that it’s a slow news day when a regional paper has to find news in China to fill page three.
Suicide jumper kills cyclist
December 28, 2008 – 8:38PM
A cyclist died after he was hit by an apparently suicidal man who jumped from the 35th floor of a nearby building in the southern Chinese city of Shenzhen, state media has reported.The 52-year-old cyclist, surnamed Li, was making deliveries from his fast food restaurant when the jumper landed on him on Thursday afternoon, the official China Daily reported on Sunday.
The younger man, surnamed Liu, was allegedly a drug addict who had moved to Shenzhen from the north-eastern province of Heilongjiang, the newspaper quoted local media as saying.
He jumped from the balcony of an apartment after standing there for 12 hours, it said.
Liu died instantly and Li died later in hospital, the newspaper said in a brief report.
Whilst I doubt this will make a difference…if you dohappen to find yourself perched on a tall building and in need of a reason not to jump, just think about the people below.
Samuel
Lifeline: 13 11 14
3 comments December 29th, 2008 at 10:57am
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