Posts filed under 'Bizarreness'
Back in the early 1990s when for most people answering machines were somewhat new, and if you were purchasing one, interesting and exciting, various people saw a need to go nuts and produce peculiar answering machine greetings. Sadly, the manufacturers and distributors of answering machines were amongst them. Courtesy of Franskter we have this peculiar gem produced in the early 1990s by First Take Productions for Tandy Electronics Stores.
Just imagine for a moment that you are ringing somebody…you wait a little while and the phone keeps ringing, and after about thirty seconds of ringing you hear a click and a slight hiss as the tape on the answering machine starts playing, and then…
[audio:https://samuelgordonstewart.com/wp-content/answer.mp3]
What would you do?
If it were me, I would probably hang up half way through…and maybe that was the point of the tape, in which case I have to wonder why the people bought an answering machine in the first place.
It is worthwhile noting that as bad as it sounded there, it would have sounded worse (and probably a bit distorted) blaring down a copper analog phone line.
Samuel
December 13th, 2007 at 02:13pm
Either that or the door to the lunatic asylum have been left open and unguarded.
An academic says nations need to cut greenhouse pollution by 50 per cent by 2025 and 100 per cent by 2050 .. to avoid climatic disaster.
Climate change researcher IAN MCGREGOR says the kind of emissions cuts being discussed at the UN conference in Bali would not avert catastrophic climate change.
Mr MCGREGOR .. from Sydney’s University of Technology .. says the recent dramatic melting of ice in the Arctic shows the world’s in greater trouble than originally thought.
Somebody’s been paying a bit too much attention to Lachlan Connor’s policies.
First it’s the Melbourne taxi drivers wanting to be immune from demerit points, then New South Wales transport minister John Watkins informs everyone of his delusion that Morris Iemma can’t be run over by a bus because of the marvellous job he is doing as transport minister, then Western Australia’ Corrective Services Minister launchers her own branch of mathematics, and now this. Did somebody fly me to a different planet while I was sleeping?
Honestly, some days on this planet should just be skipped.
Samuel
December 7th, 2007 at 02:44pm
Western Australia’ Corrective Services Minister Margaret Quirk declares that 7 + 5 + 5 = 31
DRUG trafficker Holly Deane-Johns has landed back at Perth Airport after seven years in a Thai jail for heroin trafficking. She’ll serve the rest of her jail term in WA.
[..]
Deane-Johns — convicted in 2003 in Thailand for heroin possession and trafficking after trying to mail 10.4 grams of the drug to Australia three years earlier — has so far served seven years of a 31-year sentence.
[..]
She will serve five years in prison and five years on parole unless the King of Thailand pardons her, in which case she is likely to be immediately freed.
Has something been put in the nation’s water supply today?
Samuel
December 7th, 2007 at 02:36pm
The order from New South Wales transport minister to bus drivers in the state is clear, no running over the premier:
Deputy NSW premier JOHN WATKINS denies any deal has been done .. for him to take over from MORRIS IEMMA.
Mr WATKINS says he has no ambitions for the top job .. and he doesn’t think he’ll ever be premier.
Asked what would happen if Mr IEMMA got hit by a bus .. Mr WATKINS said that won’t happen .. because he’s transport minister.
Considering Mr. Watkins’ amazing track record of making train drivers adhere to timetables, I’d be keeping clear of bus lanes if I was Morris Iemma.
Samuel
December 7th, 2007 at 02:21pm
An email has been forwarded to me which purports to be from “The Victorian Taxi Driver’s Association with support of taxi drivers of Melbourne”, the email claims that taxi drivers in Melbourne will be striking on Monday. I’m not sure if the email is legitimate or not as I have, so far, been unable to find any news stories about the planned strike, but I thought it would be worthwhile sharing it with you as some of the aims of the strike are rather amusing.
TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN
This is to inform you, and all the people concerned, that
we the taxi drivers of Melbourne are going on a peaceful “taxi protest ” on
Monday 10th Dec from 3.00 p.m onwards at the steps of Parliament House on
Spring Street against the authorities who manage ,regulate and bully taxi
industry. We were promised a number of solutions 16 months ago but its
highly regrettable that none of them have actually been implemented. Hence
we were left with no option but to go for protests once again .
Please make sure that necessary traffic alterations are made in advance.
Any inconvenience caused to general public is regrettable .
Victorian Taxi Drivers Association with support of taxi drivers of Melbourne
Attached to the email is the following document, outlining the aims of the strike.
TAXI PROTESTS
ON
Mon 10th DECEMBER 2007
At
3:30 PM onwards
Venue: Corner of Spring Street, and Bourke Street.
TREAT TAXI DRIVERS AS “HUMAN BEINGS”
To pressurise Govt. to fulfill the following demands of Taxi Drivers and Taxi Operators
Pressurise the government? “Pressure” perhaps? I’m pretty sure that turning the government in to either a balloon or a marking on a synoptic chart isn’t going to achieve much.
1. Stop the dictatorial powers of Depots such as 13 Cabs for imposing harsh and inhuman penalties such as “Two Hour Recall Penalty” and other unjustified harsh monetary penalties. A two hour penalty literally destroys the whole day income of taxi driver. Maximum penalty should be half an hour. NO MORE BULLYING OF DRIVERS BY MONOPOLISTIC TAXI DEPOTS AND SERVICE PROVIDERS.
2. Monitoring by VTD not just of drivers, but also of service provider depots such as 13 Cabs and Silver Top. (We were promised this by Mr. Peter Batchelor on 15th Aug last year at Flemington Racecourse, but no action till now)
A deal struck at Flemington race course? It sounds a bit suspicious to me.
3. A six month trial of Safety Measures was announced on 15th Aug last year. Sixteen months have passed, but driver safety and security still remains neglected. We want results and not just trials. No one should have a problem with Detachable Safety Screens.
I can’t see any problem with safety screens, but how much do they cost and who will fund them? The taxi industry, to the best of my knowledge, is a private industry. Surely if the taxi drivers are so interested in safety screens they would be willing to purchase and install them themselves. I would have thought that the cost of such devices would be quite small when compared to the cost of purchasing and operating a taxi.
If, on the other hand, there is some legislation which prevents the installation of such devices, then I can understand the protest.
4. No constructive input yet from Victorian Multi Cultural Commission to reduce racism against taxi drivers. RACISM is a curse on Victorian Society.
The Victorian Multicultural Commission can produce as many reports as they like…none of them will reduce racism. Racism is an attitude issue, not something a bit of paper can solve.
5. Mandatory upfront payment during hours of 11:00 PM to 6:00 AM on all days, to reduce Taxi Runners (If 9,000 runners a week are too less to wake up Government). This will also help curb racism and violence against taxi drivers.
I have no problem with up-front payments, especially during those hours. It would help prevent “runners” and probably help prevent some violence, but I can’t see how it is related to racism…I have never met anyone who chooses whether or not to pay a taxi driver based on their nationality. It would appear to me that racism is just a pet topic of this group and they are just trying to link as many things as they can to it.
6. Assaults on Taxi Drivers should be punishable in the same manner as assaults on other public transport workers. (We also come under ministry of Public Transport, and there are at least 400 cases of reported assaults on taxi drivers every year. Are they a bit too less to wake the sleeping government)
“A bit too less to wake the sleeping government”? Who wrote this?
For what it’s worth I agree with them, but their grammatical errors don’t help their cause, especially in a public document.
7. Fare increases to match inflation. (1% fare increase is a Joke).
8. Stop undue favoritism to Cab charge and City Link.
9. Drivers to get a 3% share on EFTPOS charges. Stop the EFTPOS regime.
10. Drivers to get 3% share on Account Booking Charges.
11. Tolls on taxis went straight up from $2.20 to $3.50 and from $3.85 to $5.60. Unjustified increment of approx 50 %. Stop the TOLLS regime.
12. Depot fess should increase in the same manner as Taxi Fares. Otherwise it is totally unjustified for taxi operators. VTA should not get any share from the taxi depot fees. Depot fees are unrealistically high and should be reduced. Share to VTA puts unnecessary burden on Operators. Depot fees should be justified by the services provided.
13. Increase in Taxi Rank Spaces. Taxi rank spaces should match the number of taxis on Road. SAVE THE TAXI INDUSTRY FROM PARKING FINES, Stop the PARKING FINES regime.
At each taxi rank or as a collective? Either way, that is insanity. Even if we ignore the fact that they are requesting a change in the number of taxi ranks every time a taxi is commissioned or decommissioned, surely taxi rank spaces should depend on the demand in a particular area, and the space available, not an arbitrary number.
14. Re introduce the NEW YEARS EVE surcharge. Otherwise, NO taxis will be on road on New Year’s Eve.
Blackmail. I don’t know why the surcharge was removed or what its purpose was in the first place, but I can’t see the point in bringing it back. The taxi industry already has a public holiday surcharge, why should they have a “night before the public holiday” surcharge?
15. Increase the driver facilities at Melrose Drive Holding Area at Melbourne Airport.
16. District Destinations to be logically modified to make it practically applicable on Road.
I’m sure that means something, but could somebody translate it in to English please?
17. Clear laws to be made for TAXI DRIVER CHANGE OVER.
And finally, the most laughable request of the lot.
18. Demerit points incurred while driving taxi should not affect the personal demerit points of taxi drivers.
So taxi drivers should be allowed to speed, run red lights and commit various other traffic offences on the basis that they are driving a taxi? And on what planet would the rest of us be safe?
BE THERE FOR YOUR RIGHTS
BRING AS MANY OF YOUR FRIENDS YOU CAN.
IF OUR DEMANDS ARE NOT MET, ANOTHER ROUND OF PROTESTS WILL BE ON NEW YEARS EVE.
Ah well, plenty of their “rights” (or “delusions” as many of them could be more accurately described) won’t be met, especially not the 18th one, so if you are intending on requiring transport on New Years Eve in Melbourne, you might just have to wait for the next train…or an escort in the back of a police van.
Samuel
December 7th, 2007 at 06:09am
Yes, Daylight Saving Time is with us once again, and that means I will soon be performing the bi-annual ritual of synchronising a watch with the sixth hourly time pip (the top of the hour pip) on 2CC and then walk around the house synchronising all the clocks with the watch. I don’t do this before the start or end of Daylight Saving as the clocks will drive me nuts if I do that, but I can put up with them ebing an hour out of whack after the change for a few hours, so I will update them later today.
In semi-related news, I had a five minute laughing fit earlier after John Kerr read out an email from a Russian woman (it might have been Maritz who wrote a peculiar letter to the editor to this blog a while back, but I didn’t quite catch the name so I can’t be sure), talking about how she sings to the garden every week and is adjusting the garden to daylight saving ten minutes at a time over a six week period so as to avoid confusing it…she also mentioned something about having a cupboard full of clocks (which, if I heard it correctly, was referred to as a clock full of cupboards), half of which are on daylight saving time, and the other half on normal time, and she swaps them when the time changes instead of just adjusting the clocks.
John stopped half way through the email to check if it had come from Clive Robertson!
I might have to order a copy of that from Media Monitors, it’s one of the funniest things I’ve heard on the radio in ages, and it’s proof that there’s a full moon out there.
Samuel
October 28th, 2007 at 04:36am
“This is an excellent week to get a haircut”.
That was the advice 2UE’s “psychic” Sharyn offered to Sagitarians on Sunday night.
Is it any wonder that I don’t trust psychics?
Samuel
September 4th, 2007 at 08:51am
Last month I wrote about the peculiar spammers who were sending out spam which claimed to be from a bored female who wanted to chat with someone.
I decided to reply to a female by the name of “Simon” to try and work out why the spammers had bothered to send out these emails which seemed rather pointless due to the fact that there wasn’t any obvious opportunity for them to make money from the emails.
Well, after nearly a month, Simon has finally replied, but with a different name:
From: Margarita <ritulia@freemailserve.biz>
To: Samuel Gordon-Stewart <smoothwallsamuel@gmail.com>
Date: Aug 14, 2007 10:34 PM
Subject: Re: Hello Simon
Hi my new friend
Im glad to see that you have decided to reply,I see it is very short letter.
It is all right because you are astonished to get my letter.
I want you to know that I have only good intentions and I have not any secrets.
The thing is that I will work in your country for three months or so and
I would like to meet a nice man to fall in love or just be closest friends.
I don’t want to live in Russia because I have not any chances here,
it is hardly possible to explain from first time but I want you to know my plans.
I will work in any shop, bar or restaurant the agency that i am going through will suggest me some locations.
It will be my choice in the end as to what option to go for.
So I will have a simple work till I improve my English. And I can choose any
town of your area,agency will only help me to get a visa and all travel documents + some suggested placed to work in.
My best friend last year met the man from the USA when she worked there for three months, too.
She had two jobs. From morning till 4 pm she worked in amusement park and after it she worked as a waitress in some bar till midnight.
She was very tired of course but made very good money there.
It is special programm for young people who wants to work abroad and I think it is the right way for me ,
I am lost here,and I think that I look pretty enough to find a better place .I want to repeat the same way,it is
only my chance to meet a nice man.I want to work in USA or in Europe or any
nice country. I am full of plans and different dreams and I want to share my
life with good man because I’m also full of love and tenderness,I know that
I am not so beautiful like Hollywood Princess but I do hope to meet my Prince and
I am sure he will be not be disappoined to meet me in the real life! This is why I am going to go through the same way.
Well,I will close this letter and I do hope to get your reply.
I will leave russia in two weeks or so (I can’t tell you everything exactly
right now) and I would like tobe sure that I have the man who waits for me there. I will work all day and I want to find a man to spend all free time
together to get to know each other better.if you have any interest to meet me I will be more than happy to meet you too.
I will tell you all details about me and my life if you like my pictures and
want to meet me! please send picture of you too!!!
I write to you with my new mailbox ritulia@freemailserve.biz, please write
letters now only on this mailbox.
I will wait your next letter.
Kiss you , Margarita (this is my name)!
Following this Margarita remembered to send through some photos. I won’t publish them here as I don’t know where they were stolen from, but they are fairly modest photos of a mildly attractive female who doesn’t look even remotely Russian.
I waited a couple days before replying, but I have now replied.
From: Samuel Gordon-Stewart <smoothwallsamuel@gmail.com>
To: Margarita <ritulia@freemailserve.biz>
Date: Aug 17, 2007 4:06 AM
Subject: Re: Hello Simon
Hello my dear Margarita,
What a lovely name you have. I must say that it is much better than the name you originally emailed me with…out of interest why did you call yourself Simon? Was it to protect your identity? If so I think that is most marvellous and clever of you.
I must say that your plans do sound most interesting, and I’m sure that you will be a most welcome addition to this wonderful country that I live in, Australia.
Right now it is raining but it will be sunny again soon. The sound of the rain on the roof is most delightful, and I’m sure that we will be able to share many nights listening to the rain on the roof.
We also have wonderful radio stations in this country, and I’m sure that you will enjoy listening to wonderful people on the radio with me.
As requested I have attached a picture of me. I hope that it satisfies you. It was done before I started to wear glasses, but I’m sure you will like it anyway.
I most eagerly look forward to hearing from you again.
Regards,
Samuel (This is my name…isn’t it interesting that we have different names? It surely proves that we are destined to be together!)
I think I’ve worked out the scam. The next step this spammer will take will be to get my financial assistance in travelling from Russia to Australia.
To that end, I wrote that email in such a way to make any sane person disinterested in being my partner. A spammer however won’t care how insane or ridiculous my message is, they will continue with their scam due to the fact that I am actually replying to them.
Would you like to know what picture I sent to Margarita? Well I took advantage of the fact that she said “picture” and not “photo”, and sent her the following picture of myself:
(Click to enlarge)
I cut the copyright line off the bottom of the image that I sent to Margarita, but I’m sure you would agree that any sane person would not reply to me again after seeing that picture attached to that kind of email.
I eagerly await the spammer’s reply.
Samuel
August 17th, 2007 at 11:22am
I spotted the following sign outside a jeweller during the week, sadly I did not have the camera with me.
$9 earings…only nine dollars
Based on this, one does have to wonder if putting a sign along the lines of “6.5% interest rates…only 6.5 percent” out the front of the reserve bank would ensure that interest rates stagnate instead of rising again?
It might work, but I’m not entirely sure that certain definitions of “stagnation” which would surely be side-affects, would be such a good thing for the economy:
period of no or slow economic growth or of economic decline, in real (inflation-adjusted) terms.
(Source)
It’s times like these that I’m glad I’m not an economist.
Samuel
August 11th, 2007 at 04:56pm
At least I think it’s supposed to be a poem…whatever it is, the bees are incoherent:
Late February, and the air’s so balmy
will come, blighting our harbingers of spring,
Traces of those deep cuts lie thickly upon
So you can watch me watch uplifted snow
Pealing, it tries to fill the cold night air
By trees—or might see as the masonry
III. Earliest Recorded Northern Explorers: The Greeks and the Vikings
Place of absorbing snow, itself to be
To watch me watch drowned snow lift from the lake.
Dreaming time has reversed—and you,
Billows the fog, cloaks
Summer bees were saying
Some stubborn sprouts up through the stubble hay,
The road, but not far enough ahead
Swaying in unison beneath the snow,
It is as though I were at a second threshold.
Summer bees were saying
trainer flips young alligators over on their backs,
As if your human shape were what the storm
I’m not sure why the road is swaying under the snow, but as I said, the bees are incoherent.
Samuel
August 2nd, 2007 at 04:20pm
…apparently the same can be said for logic.
I was in Queanbeyan today and walked past a rather amusing incident. A parking inspector was writing a parking ticket for a car, and noticed that the driver of the car behind this one was about to get in to his car.
The parking inspector called out “You’ll be getting one of these in the mail” to which the driver replied “Why, what did I do wrong?”. The parking inspector pointed at a bus zone sign and said “It’s a bus stop” to which the driver quite remarkably replied “Oh, but I only read the green sign”.
The tone of the message indicated that the driver thought he was innocent because he only read one sign (it was a shared zone, a red sign indicated the times that it is a bus stop, and the green sign indicated the times that it’s a car park). Putting the fact that the green sign indicated that the spot was not a car park at the time of the incident to one side, the logic behind this statement is quite astounding.
Based on this driver’s logic, if you walk in to a store and want to purchase a $1000 television for example, you could claim that when you read the price tag it said “$100”, and the store would be required to sell the television to you for $100.
The parking inspector had the final word before producing the parking ticket when he informed the driver that “you have to read all the signs”.
The whole incident, and especially the final line from the parking inspector, amused me immensely, although I would have to admit that the notion of that man driving a car on a public road does concern me.
Samuel
July 26th, 2007 at 05:02pm
Following on from my comments yesterday about spammers claiming to be female whilst using male names, I have finally picked out one of these strange people to try and work out what the point of this spam is.
As far as I can tell there doesn’t seem to be any logic to this spam as I can’t see any way that it would be of any benefit to the spammer. Surely a Nigerian money scam would be much more profitable?
Anyway, I’m going to find out, and attempt to keep you up to date on the progress of this project. Here is the email I have chosen to reply to.
From: Simon Schafer <a-a.sesa@a-b-c-plus.com>
To: podcast@samuelgordonstewart.com
Date: Jul 25, 2007 12:35 AM
Subject: Re: Pics
Hello! I am tired tonight. I am nice girl that would like to chat with you. Email me at abent@imailmessage.info only, because I am writing not from my personal email. I want to show you some pictures.
And my reply:
From: Samuel Gordon-Stewart
To: abent@imailmessage.info
Date: Jul 26, 2007 3:57 AM
Subject: Hello Simon
Hello Simon,
I am sorry to hear that you are bored and I hope that I will be able to make you feel better.
I look forward to chatting with you…and it is rather interesting that you mention that you would like to show me some pictures, because I have some pictures that I would like to show to you. Isn’t that amazing? I think that coincidence proves that we are going to have a great conversation.
I eagerly look forward to your reply!
Best wishes,
Samuel Gordon-Stewart
Does anyone else think that Simon will be surprised when he finds out that the pictures I have for him are of construction sites in Civic?
Samuel
July 26th, 2007 at 03:56am
I have noticed a rather peculiar Google Ad recently:
Will you be reincarnated?
Are you coming back as a bug? Find out why you were born.
Naturally the prospect of having someone tell me if I am going to be reincarnated as a bug was too good to pass up, so I followed the link and ended up with this PDF file. It is very long and does its best to explain why everything is as it is, however it does not at any time make any mention of bugs or reincarnation.
I followed that link hoping to find some crackpot who was willing to tell me whether or not I will be reincarnated as a bug, and so far I haven’t been even remotely enlightened. If today was Sunday I might have considered ringing Psychic Sharyn about it, but as today is not Sunday, and I don’t really want to know whether or not I will come back as a bug, I don’t think I’ll bother.
Of course if one of you knows the answer and wants to let me know, feel free to leave a comment.
Samuel
July 26th, 2007 at 03:00am
One of the bits of spam which is doing the rounds at the moment is the “I’m a bored girl and I want to chat with you” nonsense. I haven’t quite worked out what the purpose of these messages is from the spammer’s perspective, and I intend on replying to one just to see what happens.
Anyway…I know that all of the names that go along with these messages are automatically generated, but you would think the spammers would at least choose female names…I feel very sorry for any girl named “Darrel Proctor” or “Simon Schafer”.
On the other hand, perhaps I am receiving the only legitimate emails of this type, in which case I’m hardly surprised that these girls named Darrel and Simon are having a hard time finding men to chat with in the real world.
Samuel
July 25th, 2007 at 06:40am
I have noticed a recent increase in the number of post-it notes that seem to be discarded on the ground in public areas such as streets and shopping centres. Many of these post-it notes contain seemingly random and useless squiggles and bits of text, probably jotted down as notes at some stage, however, more alarmingly, many of the post-it notes I have noticed contain names and their associated mobile phone numbers, and in one case even included a full residential address and the time of an arranged meeting at that address.
Many people seem to derive some pleasure from overhearing the strange details of other people’s lives when they insist on shouting them through a mobile phone in a supermarket. Whist this provides some insight in to the life of the shouter, it isn’t static, and there is no real permanent record of the conversation, and the details are usually quite vague. In comparison to these post-it notes littered with private information, the phone calls are quite innocuous.
I wonder, am I the only one who has noticed this recent surge in discarded post-it notes? And I also wonder, given the way post-it notes are used to record all sorts of important and confidential business information, how much commercially sensitive data is being inadvertently leaked in this way?
Probably even more concerning is the first thing I thought after spotting two discarded post-it notes yesterday…”I really need to start taking the camera with me”.
Samuel
June 15th, 2007 at 12:12pm
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