Samuel's Blog

Samuel’s Musician Of The Week: Austin Cunningham

This week’s award goes to country music artist Austin Cunningham for this fun little song which came to my attention thanks to Fox News’ semi-retired senior political analyst Brit Hume.

The feature song this week is “The Girls On Fox News”. (Disappointingly, the video clip is not available on iTunes…probably some copyright issues, sadly).

Well I used to be a Democrat, liberal no doubt
I didn’t think conservatives knew what life’s about
Then I started leaving the Fox News Channel on
If that’s the face of the right, I’ll tell the left “so long”

Oh, I want a girl like the girls on Fox News
Every one is beautiful, any one you choose
Whoever does the hiring knows how to light my fuse
I want a girl like the girls on Fox News

There’s Gretchen, Megyn, and Martha, Harris and Pattie Ann
Janice, Jen and Julie, Maria, Anna and Alisyn
Dana, Ainsley, Andrea, Uma, Shannon, Molly and Heather

(Hey is there even a Heather?)
(Yeah)
(There’s two?)
(Yeah)
(There’s two Mollys too?)
(Yeah)
(Perfect)

Well they make the bad news on TV look a whole lot better

Now please don’t call me shallow, a pervert, or insane
Because who the heck does not love beauty with brains?
I bet you that Bill Clinton, when Hillary walks in, quickly switches back from Fox to MSBNN

Bet Bill wants a girl like the girls on Fox News
Every one is beautiful, any one you choose
Whoever does the hiring knows how to light my fuse
I want a girl like the girls on Fox News

Now to Doocy, Kilmeade, and Bolling, Bret, Shep, and Sean
And all them other hairy-legged Geraldos you put on
I ask you all one question, who would you rather watch…
Cavuto or Courtney Friehl interviewing Koch?

‘Cause honey sure beats vinegar to wash down the news we need
No one else comes close, well except for maybe Robin Meade
They got your blondes and brunettes, even red heads too
Which proves that they’re the only ones with fair and balanced news

Oh, I want a girl like the girls on Fox News
I’d settle for an hour there in Billy Hemmer’s shoes
Can’t help if other network girls’ egos get bruised
I want a girl like the girls on Fox News

More cowbell

And I like Michelle Malkin, she never makes my reds stay blue
And if my wife would let me, hey I’d marry Michelle too
Save some love for Greta, she’s the smartest Y’all
Bet when she’s off the record, she’s the wildest of ’em all

Now I’m a Fox News junkie, I watch it all I can
My liberal days are over, hope Bob Beckel understands
And I believe in everything O’Reilly has to say
Especially when he has Kimberly Gilfoyle on that day

Oh, I want a girl like the girls on Fox News
Every one is beautiful, any one you choose
Whoever does the hiring knows how to light my fuse
I want a girl like the girls on Fox News
Hey, I want a girl like the girls on Fox News

(No honey, I love you, I mean if I wasn’t married to you I’d love them)
(I mean, they’re awesome, but you’re the most awesomest, really, I swear honey)

Samuel

March 3rd, 2013 at 05:39pm