Archive for May 24th, 2013

Friday Funnies: How not to handle the satellites

CBS Local News in Sacramento provides this gem of a story.

A man who called 911 more than 100 times in one month says he’s not going to stop until his concerns are heard by the federal government.

Jimmy Shao keeps a log book of every 911 call he’s made. So many that he boasts he’s probably set a world record.

He doesn’t believe he’s wasting the time of emergency responders because he has an emergency of his own: Shao believes he’s being watched by shadowy government authorities.

He claims to believe his body is controlled by satellites.

“My brain, I can feel it starting. I’m blasted by the signals, every couple of minutes,” he said. “I yell and I scream, ‘Stop it, I don’t need this,’ but they never listen.”

Sacramento Police say he’s ignored warnings to stop calling over and over, so they arrested him for 911 abuse.
[..]
Fresh out of jail, Shao promises he isn’t done dialing 911, “until Congress starts an investigation.”

Police say if he does continue to call he will be arrested again. They also say they may look for some counseling to get him some help.

Alas the story leaves me with more questions than answers. For example, I would love to know:
Are the satellites making him call 911?
When does he fill out the log book? Before, during, or after the call?
Does calling 911 help to stop the satellites from controlling him?
How does he know that congress aren’t in cahoots with the “shadowy government” folk who are controlling him?
Has he tried ringing various government departments who might be in control of the satellites so that he can more directly tell them “stop it, I don’t need this”?
Why haven’t the police just bought him some aluminium foil to help block out the signals?

So now I know Sacramento for two things. Firstly for having a PBS station which announces “Sacramento” in a posh pseudo-British accent that Rush Limbaugh loves to imitate, and for being the focal point of the shadowy government folk’s experiments…I think I might steer clear of the place lest it be contagious.

And then there’s the comments on the CBS article…I like this one:

dboots • 6 hours ago
this man may not be that far from the truth. Because of Lawrence
Livermore Nat Lab testing satellite constellations, here in San Joaquin County we can no longer see the real stars. We hardly ever get to see thousands of stars anymore and instead it is less than 200
(two hundred) as they block our ability to see the real stars. You can see these satellite constellations sending pulses back and forth of which stars are real and which are part of their system. What are the purposes of the pulses seen? Are the satellites a Star Wars Weapon n Defense system? Are they tracking us? If
future wars are meant to be fought from a comfort of an armchair then at
some point they have to test those satellite Star Wars weapons. Where
else are they gonna test them but aiming them our way? Those
satellite constellations are your future police
force/army/navy/marines/national guard most likely. look up smile 🙂

Or it could just be light pollution blocking out the light of some of the stars…but no, clearly the real stars are being hidden in a cupboard somewhere.

Samuel

1 comment May 24th, 2013 at 05:33pm

NRL Tips: Round 11

Tigers V Cowboys
Bulldogs V Broncos
Dragons V Panthers
Roosters V Storm
Sea Eagles V Raiders
Eels V Titans
Warriors V Knights
Sharks V Rabbitohs

Now that you know who I’m tipping, be sure to check out TAB’s AFL & NRL footy tipping website.
If you fancy tipping on this weeks round, I suggest having a look at TAB Footy Tipping.
TAB run are running an AFL / NRL tipping competition this season with weekly prizes, check it out.

Samuel

May 24th, 2013 at 05:21pm

AFL Tips: Round 9

Collingwood V Sydney
Port Adelaide V Geelong
GWS V West Coast
St. Kilda V Western Bulldogs
Brisbane V Carlton
Richmond V Essendon
Hawthorn V Gold Coast
North Melbourne V Adelaide
Fremantle V Melbourne

Samuel

1 comment May 24th, 2013 at 05:17pm


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