Posts filed under 'Lunacy/Idiots'

The Silly Season

“Tis the season for loopy characters…tra la la la la, la la la la”

It looks like I’ve been turned into a Wikipedia article for the second time, and much like last time it’s a load of tripe. I will be proposing that it be deleted.
(Update 11:46PM: The article has been deleted despite a protest without explanation from its author “Sabiby”. End Update)

Samuel gordon stewart
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Jump to: navigation, search

[1]Samuel Gordon Stewart [2]is a notable blogger of small fame in his home city of Canberra, Australian Capital Territory, Australia. Through his massive web-site updated many times a day containing often peculiar writings of his day to day routine, dreams, letters to politicians, Canberra news and his now strained relationship with Bradley Murdoch, all written in a confusing style jumping between first and third person, along with his pod cast Australian Independent Radio [3], numerous cartoon series [4]and hilarious and often vicious insults and criticism his blog attracts and posts, Samuel Gordon Stewart is often mentioned on many web-sites, has won Australian blogging awards and has gained fame on more main stream local media. Media such as AM1052 2CA, FM104.7, The Canberra Times, Prime News, and various other smaller community media publications and broad casts regularly give mention to Samuel or publish/broadcast comments from him. Through continued mention in the media, his large numbers of letters to the editor of many local papers being published, and word of mouth publicity, Samuel Gordon Stewart has gained local fame to be a cult hero in the league of other well known Canberra personalities such as Limestone Lizzy, Northbourne Nattily, or Civic’s Crocodile Man.

Links: http://samuelgordonstewart.com/

http://www.grods.com/proud-to-be-samuel

http://the-riotact.com/?p=1963

Sources: The Canberra Times: Friday 2nd of June 2006, Monday 26th June 2006, Wednesday 13th August 2006, Tuesday 21st November 2006

The Queanbeyan Chronicle: Tuesday 7th March 2006, Thursday 6th July 2006

The Tuggeranong Chronicle: Friday 15th September 2006

Thanks to anonymous writer “hello” for the heads-up, even if I think you are the author of the article.

In more exciting news, “the ginger bread man” is back, with another fake email address.

From……: the ginger bread man
Email…..: samsmum@samuelgordonstewart.com
Url…….:

………………………………………………….
Subject…: oh sammy, sam, sam…
………………………………………………….

you do remember me dont you sammy?
how is mr hat? still alive? i havent seen him in any photos of you?
but i have seen you and your cute doggy walking atop mount ainslie at dawn.
can u guess who i am?

As I said in response to your last email, I can think of a few people that you could be, all of whom I had minimal contact with, and haven’t seen in years…I suspect that most of them have matured slightly beyond your level of maturity though.

Hat is fine, living a peaceful retirement in a cupboard.

Perhaps I have forgotten mentioning a dawn foray up Mount Ainslie with my “cute doggy” (how good are you at research, what is his/her name, gender and breed?), but to the best of my knowledge I have not mentioned it, which leads into your next question:

can u guess who i am?

My psychopathic stalker? The Suffolk Strangler? Oh, wait I know, you’re the paranoid coin eater from Neptune.

Are you having fun continuing something which wasn’t funny in school? Bullying was hardly funny then, don’t expect me to find it funny now.

Samuel

11 comments December 19th, 2006 at 08:39pm

You Don’t Need A Full Moon To Attract Loonies

It’s been a while since I had enough material for a post about the strange things people write about me.

Last week I wrote an email to Stuart Bocking explaining various aspects of my health, this was a follow-up to a phone call I made to Stuart the morning before when I couldn’t sleep (I can’t remember most of that call now).

The banned former contributors to this site who inhabit BrownNoiseUnit decided to expand on that email, making extensive use of their perverted imaginations along the way.

Stuart, I love you in a more-than-a-friend way. I want to tell you things I tell no one else. I want to fall asleep on your shoulder, take long walks in the rain, and gaze deeply into your eyes over the rim of my Nescafe Kenjaro cup. Oh Stuart, how I long to show the sights, sounds and smells of Kairnbra! Coffee at Civic, a croquet at Kingsley’s Chicken, a stroll in the late afternoon past a construction site! Just you, Nattie, a radio, the camera and me.

Stuart, I think of you all the time. Even when I am not listening to your breakfast shift, your voice is forever in my head. Sometimes I just lie on my bed, close my eyes and let the memory of your voice take hold of my whole being.

I have to go now, Stuart. I will call you as soon as I get off work. If I don’t get through I’ll send a text, and if you don’t have your phone on you I’ll email. What’s your home number again?

Anyway, if for some silly odd reason we don’t link up, I’ll be in the cafe across the road from where you work. I’m the one with the binoculars and the anorak!

I yearn for you tragically. Have a great weekend! I’ll be listening (and watching!)

Regards,

Samuel Gordon-Stewart

Kairnbra

Admittedly I find the whole thing quite amusing (and a tad disturbing), but, if I was a deranged lunatic, it might be something I would write…I think the only reply I would ever get would be the police charging me with stalking or harrassment, and a court order banning me from going anywhere near a radio station, or making any contact with anyone who works in radio…there might even be a clause banning me listening to the radio.

The blatently obvious bottom line though is that Stuart hosts a show on 2UE, I along with many other people contribute to that show as a caller and an emailer, yes I would like to meet Stuart one day, I gather that the feeling is mutual as he invited me to his Christmas function (an invitation I had to turn down due to work commitments), but it doesn’t go any further than a penpal type friendship.

I accept that some people try to stereotype me as a stalker, but that notion is so far from the truth that it is amusing.

Moving on, and someone who I probably went to school with sent this email via the contact form (with a fake email address too)

From……: the ginger bread man
Email…..: gingerpubes@samuelgordonstewart.com
Url…….:

………………………………………………….
Subject…: u dont kno me sammy but i kno u
………………………………………………….

ive been watching u for a long time sammy, and the time has come for the rape and pillage of “bagland” i plan to conquer this wonderful land and keep it for myself.

I can think of a few people who this could be, thankfully most of them matured beyond that point by the end of year 8, obviously some didn’t.

For the record, it was “Bag”, not “Bagland”, and at varying stages there was also “Locker”, “Desk”, “Pencil Case”, “Rabbit Land”, “Dog Land” and “Samuel Land”. And seeing as the world hasn’t changed for “the ginger bread man” in at least the last six years, and probably more, Pencil Case contains a rather large army led by the fearless Commander Ruler, and will be backed up by The Book Of Wisdom (aka a dictionary which makes a good projectile).

Ah memories, thanks for the walk down memory lane, ginger bread man.

Update 4:35PM 17/Dec/2006: I think this effort from Chuck A. Spear is worth a mention.

Good Morning The Beige Baron
Submitted by Chuck A. Spear on December 16, 2006 – 2:15am.

Good Morning The Beige Baron err The Beige Lunatic.

Since you have the flu, how are the aches, pains, and general zombieish feelings? I have been mixing my medicine with coffee. If I whinge this much at 19, what will I be like at 69?

Always and forever

SGS

Reminds me a little bit of a Beatles song:

Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I’m 64?

End Update

Samuel

1 comment December 17th, 2006 at 02:26pm

Never let a bolted horse get in the way of a loopy protest

I thought Save The Ridge were dead and buried…I was wrong. I thought that having Gungahlin Drive near completion would spell the end of anti-Gungahlin Drive protests…I was wrong. People against Gungahlin Drive will not use it when it opens…just wait, I’ll be wrong.

Today the ACT Government is holding a public walking tour of part of Gungahlin Drive, Save The Ridge are going to “peacefully” gatecrash the event, presumably with megaphones and banners.

Save The Ridge are a cunning mob, they know they no longer have the numbers to mount any sort of protest, so they “urgently” enlist the help of various “Save xyz School” groups, claiming that the money being spent on the Gungahlin Drive Extension is being diverted away from schools, buses etc. They forget a couple important points:

  1. Budget: It may have been a bad one, but Gungahlin Drive was in there
  2. Those peksy court costs: Those agonising years of stalling in the courts by STR cost an awful lot of money…and helped to blow out the cost of the road

I don’t know what they expect the government to do…unbuilding the road would cost more money so that doesn’t help, cancelling the road would be an utter waste and leave a large mess…but might provide a poorly placed dragway (could offset aeroplane noise if the Tralee development goes ahead).

The horse has bolted, it’s won the race, and is about to receive the trophy, but for what it’s worth, Save The Ridge are having an encore comedy performance. Enjoy the press release (emphasis as per the press release).

WHAT: Community Rally to Protest the Opening of the First Stage of the Gungahlin Drive Extension and the Negative Impact the Massive Cost Overruns have had on the Public Transport, Education and Community Sector

TIME AND DATE: 10am, Sunday 10 December

WHERE: Gungahlin Drive Extension junction with Ginninderra Drive
(parking at the GDE site office, off Masterman St, Bruce. Transport is being provided between there and the start of a community walk)

ASSISTANCE: STR needs the URGENT community support to assist with leafleting, letterboxing and postering. Please email info@savetheridge.org.au or call Paul Oboohov on 0417 048 217 to volunteer some time.

OTHER HELP: SPREAD THE WORD!

ABOUT: The first section of the Gungahlin Drive Extension (GDE), between Ginninderra Drive and the Barton Highway, will be officially opened by the ACT government on Sunday 10 December. The ACT government has scheduled a community walk / cycle at 10am on the GDE between Ginninderra Drive and Ellenborough St to “celebrate the opening”, see http://www.gde.act.gov.au/__data/assets/word_doc/41409/CommunityWalkEvent.doc

The Save the Ridge Committee invites you to attend a peaceful protest at this event, to make the following points:

* The cost of the 9km GDE, one of the most expensive non tunnelled single lane roads in Australia’s history, is being recouped partly through the closure of 39 schools in the ACT, as well as a raft of cutbacks including scaled back ACTION bus services, library closures, social programs cut, reducing ACT Government employee superannuation entitlements from 15.4% to 9% and significant increases of government taxes and charges;

* The GDE is being built at a time of trend petrol price rises not seen since the early 1980’s. With massive increases in petrol demand in some of the world’s most populous developing nations, cheap oil is a thing of the past and nationally climate change issues are now near the top of the community’s concerns. Like the Australian Government, the ACT Government has taken almost no action on the issue. An important first step would be a significant investment in an electrified rapid transit system with a commitment to power it through green energy purchases. With no carbon emissions, this would make significant progress on improving the Territory’s per capita greenhouse gas emission profile;

* According to Canberra Times reports (Canberra Times, Dec 2), until recently the GDE construction has used almost 0.5 (approx. 0.41)% of Canberra’s potable water supply at a time of unprecedented water restrictions. It will continue to require water, but from a new greywater source. The cost of this appears to be the Government reneging on the promise to rehabilitate 20 sportgrounds for community use due to their being insufficient available water because of the drought;

* The GDE has come at an incalculable environmental cost with the destruction of significant linkages in Canberra’s high conservation value urban bush. The ACT Government’s rhetoric of suggesting it will become the first capital city in the world to achieve environmental status under UNESCO (Canberra Sunday Times, 3 December 2006) is farcical with the wholesale vandalism of Kaleen Grasslands, Bruce/O’Connor Ridges and Black Mountain Reserve. Numerous studies by university researchers have found Black Mountain Reserve to be a world class area for biodiversity, the position advocated by STR and supported by world class members of the broader scientific community since the 1990’s;

* Community members and experts recognise that bush regions ACT Government have preserved are so small and fragmented, that the richness of their ecology is not likely to be sustainable in the long term. This is largely due to the threat to fauna when migrating between areas and from domestic animals. The Government’s proposal for the fossil fuel based Belconnen to Civic busway is another example of how little value these pockets of bush have to the ACT Government and how they are only perceived to have value if they can encourage further construction activity along the corridors; and

* The ACT Arboretum site will now be the final home for almost 200,000 cubic metres of unnecessary GDE fill that was trucked in from various construction sites around Canberra to build the GDE. After it has already arrived, it was determined that there was already a surplus of fill on site and this fill was not necessary. In addition, 170,000 cubic metres of soil from the site will also be sent to the Arboretum to permit further construction of the road. Almost 400,000 cubic metres of soil will now be relocated to the Arboretum site. This farce is characteristic of the repeated failures throughout the entire GDE planning, approvals and construction process.

Placards will be available, but if you wish, please bring one of your own. A placard and banner making workshop will be held at 2pm on Saturday 9 December in the Rocks meeting hall. Please come along and help create a range of interesting statements.

Speakers include, but are not limited to:

* Alex Pollard, ACT Peak Oil;
* Meredith Hunter, ACT Greens candidate for the seat of Fraser; and
* Allan Lohe, former Save the Ridge Chairperson

If you can suggest any additional speakers, please contact Paul Oboohov on ph 0417 048 217.

More information may be found on the STR website, http://www.savetheridge.org.au

We hope to see you on Sunday.

The Save the Ridge Committee

Blast…I should have saved that one for Friday…would have made a good Friday Funny.

Samuel

4 comments December 10th, 2006 at 06:11am

Five emails…because we know you’ll ignore the first four!

It must have been International Loopy Spammer day yesterday. For some reason I received the same bit of spam five times…the exact same email to the exact same email address five times.

The spam in question was titled “[TKO] : your (eBay) account could be suspended” and was, not surprisingly, a bogus email about an eBay account being suspended. Unfortunately these spammers aren’t very bright, they have copied various aspects of eBay messages, but not very well.

For example, there is no “from” or “reply-to” address, and as such these emails, which slipped past the spam filter somehow, landed in my inbox, and not in my eBay folder…there are further dead giveaways in the email itself.

eBay sent this message to member of ebay
Your registered name is included to show this message originated from eBay.

Hmmm, surely my eBay username should be in the first sentence then.

The links are very amusing, most eBay scam emails have links to real pages on eBay…these scammers managed to link to Yahoo Mail’s login page instead, and include faulty javascript redirects to the actual eBay pages, they even managed to have the fualty javascript redirect on an ebay.com link point to ebay.com.au

The link to “update your user account details” (which basically means “give us all your personal info so we can commit identity theft”) comes from a “respond now” button, which in a real eBay email would take you to eBay’s message centre, but in this case is the only working link, and takes you to http://madahbahana.org/signin.ebay.com

madahbahana.org is registered to something called the “Indomarching Group” in Jakarta, which for a while was using the website to “sell” fake university degrees, unfortunately in the last 24 hours or so the website has been destroyed and now only returns “403 forbidden” messages…which is a pity because I would have liked to see how bad their attempt at emulating a real eBay page was.

For the record, I received the emails yesterday at 6:06am, 6:09am, 5:41pm, 5:43pm and 6:11pm.

The headers from one email show that a php script at zvvurk.nl on behalf of 125.160.82.205 sent the emails, and the people responsible used Microsoft Word to write the emails…they really are dumb.

Update: Since writing this post I have received another one of these emails, it came in at 9:14am. End Update

Samuel

October 16th, 2006 at 12:51pm

How not to use a phone booth…and I don’t want a drink with that!

What is it about public holiday Monday and Civic which brings all the loonies out of their shells?

Around lunch time today I ventured into Civic to pick up some lunch for the family from Kingsleys Chicken (one of our “once every now and then” fast food choices…usually we’re not fans of fast food) and some afternoon tea from Dobinsons. On my way I passed a phone booth which was occupied by two teenage girls, one of them was standing right in front of the phone, whilst the other one was standing next to her talking on her mobile phone…neither of them were using the payphone!

That, unfortunately, was a sign of things to come. When I arrived at Kingsley’s Chicken I got ticket number “01” from the machine, at the time they were serving ticket number “97” so the wait wouldn’t be too long, so I waited as 98 and 99 went past, and then they reached “00”…the girl who was serving at the time called out in a rather thick accent something which sounded like “num-bo”…I’m sure she meant “number oh”, although why she couldn’t be clear about it and call out “zero” is beyond me. Eventually, after she nearly called out my number, the person with ticket “00” came forward to see if he was next.

Then came my turn, a young bloke, possibly Inidian, called out my number, I came forward and proceeded to give him my order:

Me: “Could I get six chicken croquets and a jumbo chips please?”
Him: “Six crockets and the jumbo chips?”
I should point out that, being roughly based on a dutch food of the same name, the correct pronounciation of “croquets” is “crow-kays”, not “crockets” as the people at Kingsley’s seem to call them.
Me: “Yes please”.
Him: “I will put the gravy on the chips yes?”
Me: “No thank you, just the chips please.”
Him: “So no crockets?”
Me: “No…six croquets and a jumbo chips.”
Him: “And no gravy?”
Me: “That’s right.”
Him: “How about a drink? We have (insert list of drinks here).”
Me: “No, just the croquets and the chips please.”
Him: “Are you sure?”
Me: “Yes!”
Him: “So no drinks or gravy?”
Me: “Correct!”

Finally it sunk in, and he informed me of the total price, I gave him some money, and he gave me the correct change…but it wasn’t over, they only had four croquets ready, so he checked with one of the cooking people how long I would have to wait for the croquets…almost as if it mattered, I mean I paid for the things, what does it matter how long it will be?

Him: “The crockets will be three minutes, would you like half your order now and the rest when it’s ready, or would you like it all later?”
Me: “It doesn’t matter, just when it’s all ready.”

It got worse…he then turned around, got a cup, poured out a drink and put it on the bench in front of me…

Him: “Here is a free drink” (or something to that effect…he was mumbling…he didn’t tell me what drink it was though…would have been too bad if I had accepted it and been allergic to it, they might need a lawyer then)
Me: “I DON’T WANT…(mumbling)”

I had already explicitly declined a drink twice, so why he thought I would want one is beyond me. A few minutes later one of the cooking people brought my order over, I thanked her for it and left…leaving the drink right there on the counter.

The rest of my journey was sensible, and when I checked the radio, Glenn Wheeler on 2CC was asking people about commonly misspelled and mispronounced words, one of my personal hobby horses. I would have called in to tell him about “everythink” and “anythink” and well as “there”, “their” and “they’re”, but I had lunch first and they stopped taking calls about it by the time I got to the phone.

It looks like this will be the first blog post I’ve sent by mail to anyone in a while…I wonder if Kingsley’s Civic Manager will reply?

Samuel

9 comments October 2nd, 2006 at 06:34pm

Progress on the consignment front

After my recent email to Mr. Mike David, honourable online money giver, stating that I had not heard from his personal assistant, one Mr. Brown, I received an email which I know is very important, because the entire message is written in the subject.

From: BOB MIKE <GLOBAL4com@spinfinder.com>
Reply-To: GLOBAL4com@spinfinder.com
To: smoothwallsamuel@gmail.com
Date: Sep 19, 2006 8:50 AM
Subject: Dear Samuel Please contact Mr. Brown at ( info@diplomaticservice.net )

Mike David

So, as requested, I contacted Mr. Brown on his new email address…I am a bit confused about the sanity of Mike David though, he seems to be unsure of his own name as he is using “BOB MIKE” in the from field of his emails these days.

From: Samuel Gordon-Stewart <smoothwallsamuel@gmail.com> Mailed-By: gmail.com
To: info@diplomaticservice.net
Date: Sep 19, 2006 7:14 PM
Subject: Consignment for Mr. Mike David

Dear Mr. Brown,

Mike David has asked me to contact you regarding his consignment, which he would like me to pick up for him as he is too busy with investing at the moment.

Please contact me so that we may make the arrangements.

Blissful Regards,
Samuel Gordon-Stewart

This time, Mr Brown was rather prompt at replying, and presented me with a very professional email (albeit with broken english).

From: info@diplomaticservice.net <info@diplomaticservice.net>
To: Samuel Gordon-Stewart <smoothwallsamuel@gmail.com>
Date: Sep 19, 2006 8:34 PM
Subject: Re: Consignment for Mr. Mike David

DIPLOMATIC GLOBAL SERVICE
CONSIGNMENT CLEARING HOUSE
AMSTERDAM, THE NETHERLANDS.
EUROPE OFFICE TEL – 31 644 271 874
TEL /FAX – 31 847 473 477
E-MAIL; info@diplomaticservice.net
E-Mail – spin-diplomta@spinfinder.com

Attn : Samuel Gordon-Stewart

Please do let us know any of the following ways that will be more
convenient for you to collect this consignment .

1 )Me coming with the diplomat to deliver the consignment to your country.
2 )Me sending you the consignment by diplomatic courier services.
3) You coming to the Netherlands to pick up the consignment .

I dont have a representative in your state to whom you could pay
the requested amount at reception,so I can send a diplomat.

Please do let me hear from you as soon as possible.

THANKS
GEORGE BROWN

DIPLOMATIC GLOBAL SERVICE
CONSIGNMENT CLEARING HOUSE
AMSTERDAM,THE NETHERLANDS

EUROPE OFFICE TEL–31 644 271 874
HEAD OFFICE TEL\FAX 31 847473477
E-MAIL; info@diplomaticservice.net

Operational GraphOpe tio

We are neither just an off shore office nor are we only on shore ……..WE ARE BOTH; We touch base at every nook and cranny of the country. That is why you ‘ll always find DIPLOMATIC GLOBAL SERVICE up North ,down South, East and West. Our amiable record is borne out of the philosophy of clients satisfaction, we offer our clients the following services: Traditional services , Visible Transaction Services, Exports Desk Services and Public Sectors Services.
We are totally devoted to you

You’ve just gotta love this poor attempt at a company footer on that email…usually they ramble on about how the email is confidential and the company won some award for something last week…but this one just rambles…it may have come out of an automated translator.

Anyway, I looked at the options and thought for a while about them. Surely if Mr. Brown were to visit my country with a diplomat they would want me to pay for the airfares, if they send it via courier they are going to make me pay for the courier and then tell me some story about the parcel getting lost…and there is no way I’m flying to the Netherlands just to meet people who don’t exist and pick up a parcel which also doesn’t exist…although they would probably insist on buying the airline tickets and making me pay them for the tickets before they mail them to me.

In the end, I decided that I could have more fun if I insisted on Mr. Brown flying to Australia. Time to bring out the waffle iron for this email.

From: Samuel Gordon-Stewart <smoothwallsamuel@gmail.com> Mailed-By: gmail.com
To: “info@diplomaticservice.net” <info@diplomaticservice.net>
Date: Sep 19, 2006 9:04 PM
Subject: Re: Consignment for Mr. Mike David

Dear George,

It is my firm belief that this consignment is very important, and as such I feel that the only way to ensure the safe arrival and delivery of the consignment is for yourself to accompany the diplomat and the consignment to my country of residence (Australia). I do hope that you are able to spare some time in the nearby future, as this would be highly fortuitous and prove to be the most fruitful outcome of goodness for all parties involved.

Many regards and thoughtful wishes,

Samuel Gordon-Stewart

Where to from here…well it all depends on where Mr. Brown leads me I suppose…I wonder what my chances are of reversing the scam and getting money from them?

Samuel

September 20th, 2006 at 01:12am

5705…but there’s no reply…

Having not heard back from Mr. Brown, personal assistant to Mike David, nearly 24 hours after sending him an email, I decided to contact Mike david and find out what is going on. I have never failed to receive a reply from a scammer before, so something must be wrong.

From: Samuel Gordon-Stewart <smoothwallsamuel@gmail.com> Mailed-By: gmail.com
To: global4com@spinfinder.com
Date: Sep 16, 2006 11:04 PM
Subject: Re: consignment

Dear Friend Mike,

I have tried to contact your personal assistant Mr. Brown, I did this nearly 24 hours ago, and I am yet to hear back from him. Please contact me with advice as to what you would like me to do next.

Blissful regards,
Samuel

I do hope this doesn’t end here…I haven’t had my fun yet, and I don’t want the spammers to get the song in the title stuck in my head, only two weeks after I got rid of it!

Samuel

5 comments September 16th, 2006 at 11:10pm

Time to have fun with a scammer

Oh how I love wasting the time (and money) of scammers. It’s easy to waste the money of phone based scammers, especially when they have free call numbers setup to divert overseas…at their own cost, but it is just as enjoyable to waste the time of email based scammers.

Last month Clayton Northcutt had plenty of fun doing just that, and this month I am going to have some fun.

Occasionally some spam slips through Gmail’s spam filters and lands in my inbox, such as this one from Dr. Mona Diop, an illiterate bank manager, with a need to steal the money of dead people.

Dear ,

My name is Dr Mona Diop,am the branch and computer manager here in our bank.I have only written to seek your indulgence and assistance. I wish to make a transfer involving a huge amount of base £15,000,000.00 {Fifteen Million B.Pounds Sterlings}of Late Mr Mark Smith out of the bank,he died since 1995,till now the account remains dormat.I am proposing to make this transfer to a designated bank account of your choice. Thus, for your indulgence and support,

I propose an offer of 20% of the total amount to be yours after the transfer has been successfully concluded.Your full name and phone number/fax is need in the first place.Kindly reply me stating your interest, and I shall furnish you with the details and necessary proceedures with which to make the transfer progress. I am anxiously awaiting your response through my confidential/bank email address:
mona_diop02@yahoo.com
Thanks and God bless
Dr Mona Diop,
Manger.
………………………….
My Informations will be given
to you in my next mail.

Fairly standard, nothing new or interesting about this one, but she (or maybe even he) did send it twice, and on both occasions it slipped past the spam filter, so I felt like replying.

Dear Spammer Mona,

Banks do not use yahoo email addresses, and if you were a manager, you would be able to write an email without dozens of spelling and gramatical errors.

I must ask you a question though, why is everything from Rivers just so comfortable?

Kind regards,
Samuel

For those of you who aren’t subjected to Australian television…there is a clothing shop called “Rivers” which has an advertising campaign featuring a slideshow of their current discounts, and a poorly recorded voiceover where a person keeps repeating the phrase “Why is everything from Rivers just so comfortable”. The ad annoys the heck out of me, so I thought it was an appropriate question to ask a spammer, alas she/him/it didn’t answer the question.

Dear Samuel ,

what you have to believe this is my personal email address so if you can believe with then try and get back to me so that i will direct the way to take ,

thanks

Dr Mona

Sorry Mona, but you didn’t address two of my points, and your scam isn’t interesting, so I shall refrain from contacting you again.

Last night, another, slightly more interesting spammed scam landed in my inbox.

From: mike david <global4com@spinfinder.com>
Reply-To: global4com@spinfinder.com
To: smoothwallsamuel@gmail.com
Date: Sep 15, 2006 9:51 PM
Subject: consignment

Dear Friend

I need your assistance to help me in receiving my funds form a security office in the Netherlands .
I am obliged to inform you that I have succeeded in receiving ( fourteen million dollars ) from a partner that work with the Federal Ministry of Finance (FMF) South African .

My partner initiated this idea so everything was perfectly done because we strike this deal with one Lady accountant who works with the Federal Ministry of Finance also she rendered a tremendous help to us and everything worked out successfully .

I will appreciate your assistance in receiving the Funds and I have decided to compensate you with the sum of $850,000 in Cash (Eight Hundred and fifty Thousand United States Dollars).

I am doing this simply to show you that it is good to do good things to the right people always.
So if you can help please contact my personal assistant with the security office in the Netherlands
Mr Brown with this e-mail address
( spin-diplomta@spinfinder.com )

Please tell him that you will like to pick up my consignment and do not tell him that the five million is in the Box, also do let me know immediately you receive a reply from Mr Brown .

I am very busy here in London because of the investment projects,So feel free to get in touch with him to send the consignment to you without any delay and I will fax him the paper works in-other for you to pick it up.

Best Regards
Mike David

Mr. Brown? Alternating amounts of money in a box/case? Secrecy even from those involved? And no bank accounts in sight? I’m reminded of Clayton’s fun, and intend on seeing where this one goes, so I, as requested, made contact with Mr. Brown.

From: Samuel Gordon-Stewart <smoothwallsamuel@gmail.com> Mailed-By: gmail.com
To: spin-diplomta@spinfinder.com
Date: Sep 16, 2006 12:27 AM
Subject: consignment of Mike David

Dear Mr. Brown,

I am writing to you in regards to an email I received from Mr. Mike David. He asked me to write to you about picking up his consignment, and asked that I express my interest in picking up the consignment.

I eargerly await your reply on this important matter.

Yours with kind regards and wishing you a blissful day,

Samuel Gordon-Stewart

I just had to honour Clayton by adding in the blissful day reference (see Clayton’s story and you’ll understand). I googled spinfinder.com, it would appear that many people have received scam emails from this domain, and the site itself appears to be one of those strange attempts at being a web portal that bombards you with ads, and some of the ads on that page do redirect you through adware and spyware laden sites on their way through to the target sites.

I now await a reply from Mr. Brown.

Samuel

2 comments September 16th, 2006 at 12:57am

More Emails

Serial detractor Sam Granleese (we previously met Sam here) has sent in an email titled “Good News”

Hi Samuel,

I wrote to you a few months ago declaring your website to be the most trite piece of word-vomit on the known internet.

Upon returning, it is good to see that nothing has changed. You are still trying to lose your virginity by going to www.tammin.com, you are still a freak and you still have nothing interesting to say about anything.

Congratulations!

Sam

I decided, with some trepedation, to visit the website he mentioned so that I could work out what he was going on about…it turned out to be the website of some singer I’ve never heard of before. I still can’t work out what he is going on about…I don’t find her in the least bit attractive.

On the bright side, it would appear that Sam is still wasting his time reading websites of people he doesn’t like, and making sure that they know about it…either that or he secretly finds this site so interesting and entertaining that he has to make sure he gets to take part in the fun and excitement…I’ll let you decide.

Next email is from “bob759” (sorry for bundling you into the same post as Sam Granleese) who writes

You said “I (generally) can’t check the website, or update it, from work”, does that mean you had the day off yesterday as you updated the blog many times

No Bob, I scheduled the posts to appear throughout the day…that is my standard practice for all but the most urgent posts as it keeps the site “ticking over” and means I don’t post five things at once, which effectively buries most of the posts for the majority of readers who don’t often venture past the first post. For the record, the majority of those posts were written in the wee hours of Friday morning, with one written earlier in the week.

Samuel

4 comments July 16th, 2006 at 08:25am

Loonies Have Long Memories

Remember the loonies who took offence at my opinion of Summernats? Well they seem to have long memories.

Yesterday afternoon I was returning to work at the end of lunch, and walked the long way back in to the office (as I was a tad early) which involved walking around a corner on to the footpath on one side of Northbourne Avenue at a busy major intersection (this did not involve crossing the road). The vehicles travelling southbound on Northbourne were stopped at a red light, which meant they had plenty of time to see people walking, and potentially recognise them.

Anyway, as I was getting closer to my building, the cars travelling southbound received the green light, and as such, started moving, it was around this time that I started to hear a rather rowdy noise eminating from one of the vehicles…I turned my head to take a look (I was walking in a southbound direction) and could see somebody yelling from one of the cars, as they got even closer and passed me it became apparent that it was actually a tirade of expletives and excessive use of the word “nerd”. It also became apparent that it was more than one person yelling from the car, and that the tirade was directed at me, as one of them pointed directly at me.

You’re probably wondering what makes me think that this was the aforementioned loonies…well quite simply it was a group of young males in a “hotted up” vehicle exhibiting similar behaviour to what the loonies did last time, with similar language.

I have to wonder why they continue this nonsense…after all the last time they were of any concern as a “hot topic” was February, and it is now May. Are they really that far off the planet that they think yelling expletives at me will make me change my mind or give up blogging? Do they really think that the ten or so other people in the area were looking at them favourably? Perhaps they would have liked to take a closer look at the looks they were getting from the other people in the area.

I do have a message for them (although I fear the above text may be too much for their puny minds and they may miss the message as a result), next time around I will be taking a note of your registration plates, a description of your vehicle, the language that you use etc, and I will be pressing charges of harrassment (or whatever the legal term for it is). I will also (more than likely) have a number of witnesses, especially where I was at the time of yesterday’s incident…so if they would like to try it again, they have been warned.

In related loony news, I received an email yesterday afternoon from one “Sam Granleese” (his samgranleese@mac.com address didn’t bounce, so it might be legitimate) who said

Dear Samuel,

As we both share the same name, I thought it was my duty on behalf of other Sam’s and Samuel’s around the world to give you a good talking to.

Are you a mental patient? If so, please start taking your medication again. If not, please unplug your computer, take a deep breath, and call ‘000’ on your phone. Do not attempt to tune into 2CC whilst you wait for the ambulance to arrive, and if possible, please put on your spare straight-jacket which is surely still lying around the house. This would be very considerate.

Many thanks,

Sam

Was Sam having a bad day and just wanted to vent on somebody? Perhaps…I felt like venting on him after the previous loonies, but I refrained from doing that and instead sent him a polite email to which he is still yet to respond.

Sam,
You provide all these solutions, but you don’t identify what they are
there to solve. What exactly are you trying to acheive?

Samuel

In further related loony news, the Queen’s birthday long weekend is coming up, which means that local loonies get to blow things up for a while (and continue doing it when they aren’t allowed to). I’ll have another editorial on that subject in the coming weeks.

Samuel

12 comments May 26th, 2006 at 09:12am

A good way to blow things out of proportion

The people at Behind Big Brother have been kind enough to remove my photo and mention that I am not a contestant, however they have also gone and called my request that they remove my copyright image a “legal threat”.

Interestingly, a threat is defined as “An expression of an intention to inflict pain, injury, evil, or punishment” by answers.com…but take a look at the email I sent to them overnight and see if you think it was threatening.

Dear Sir/Madam,
As per my most recent blog post, I am not going on Big Brother, and have no intention of ever doing so. I’m used to my name being thrown around for various reasosn, and I’m not fussed about this.

I would, however, like to point out that in your article “Rumoured Housemates” you have used a copyright image of me, from my website, without my permission. Please either remove the image or request permission to use it. You have also called me “Samuel Stewart”, I’m not terribly fussed about that, I just thought you might like to know that “Gordon-Stewart” is my proper last name.

Regards,
Samuel Gordon-Stewart

Looks to me like I asked them to remove it or request permission to use it…I can’t see a “legal threat”…can you?

Samuel

6 comments April 21st, 2006 at 03:49pm

No, I am not going on Big Brother

I don’t know where the rumor came from, but I do not have any intention of having any part in the strange television show Big Brother.

I have seen bits of it, usually the last five or ten minutes of an episode while I wait for the next show to start, sometimes this is due to a show finishing early on another channel, but usually it is due to Big Brother running beyond the advertised starting time of the next programme.

The thing that makes the notion of me being on Big Brother quite amusing, other than the fact I find the show to be quite obnoxious, is that I don’t even know how people get on the show. I gather that there is a nomination process or something like that, but how does it work? Do people ask to be on it? Or do other people nominate them to be on it?

Regardless of how it works, I am not going on it, and I have not been contacted by anybody involved with the production of it.

To those of you who have come here from the “Behind Big Brother” website, welcome. It is obvious that a number of you think Samuel’s Persiflage is boring…that’s fine, I think Big Brother is boring. I will be contacting your site administrators to have my copyrighted photo removed.

Samuel

8 comments April 21st, 2006 at 12:17am

Local Loonies Do Get Confused

You may recall that in the Blog View Stats for January I noted that a website called Syndicate Motor Sports were the 2nd top referrer for the month, delivering 295 page views. I also mentioned them about a week ago, when one of their readers recognised me.

During a recent check of the referring sites for this month, I noticed an unusual spike in the number of people coming here from that site, and decided to take a look and see what was bringing them here, as it turned out, they had managed to confuse themselves over the details of their reader’s encounter with me.

For one reason or another, despite everything I had written, some of them were convinced that I was talking about someone yelling out of a car window. First, take a look at what I wrote.

Today, as I went to have lunch at Coffee @ Helen’s, one of the staff recognised me.

I went on to say

upon walking into Coffee @ Helen’s, I was greeted by this person with “You’re the infamous Samuel Gordon-Stewart”.

Now, let’s have a look at what Syndicate Motor Sports member “DRAG DIS” said

Hahahahah that was me who spotted him. I was with a mate who screamed out summernats.
I think though he may have a small brain, and might be quite unintelligent.
Because:
1. I do not work at coffe @ helens. The only male that does works behind the counter (not buying food) and is Of Asian appearance, and I am of caucasian appearance. I do not know how this point can be confused.
2. He also mentioned he had not seen me working their before. Thats because i have never worked their. This guy is delirious.
2. I am unsure why he did not mention the summernats roar my friend made , and his disgusted look. He neglected to mention that.
What a tripper

I don’t know who this “DRAG DIS” is, although for someone judging the brain size of others he certainly has a lot of talent when it comes to spelling and numbering lists. There are two possibilities here, either I imagined having lunch and meeting a Syndicate Motor Sports reader, or they are referring to the wrong incident. As you probably guessed, it is the latter.

The person who recognised me was working for Coffee @ Helen’s, he was the person who served me and many other customers and, contrary to the assertions of “DRAG DIS”, Coffee @ Helen’s have more than one staff member.

I do vaguely recall the incident referred to by “DRAG DIS”, although it could be any of a number of similar incidents. I think “DRAG DIS” is referring to an incident which occured somewhere around the Civic Bus Interchange where somebody in a moving car made a loud noise, whether this was them yelling something or just making a noise I do not know. I doubt that they understand the fact that simply because they know what they are yelling does not neccessarily mean that anybody else does, especially when they are on the other side of the road in a noisy area yelling out of a moving vehicle.

In related news, as I was taking Nattie for a walk today and waiting to cross Ainslie Avenue, somebody driving a white commodore which had just taken a left turn onto Ainslie Avenue from Limestone Avenue moved into the right hand lane without indicating, put their right arm out the window and started making unusual arm shaking gestures towards me, which they ceased shortly after passing me. It is a pity that I didn’t have a video camera to record the incident and hand the tape into the police so that they could penalise the driver for not indicating when changing lane.

Samuel

14 comments February 25th, 2006 at 10:28pm

Standards have dropped

It was only a few years ago that I was a student at Campbell High School, and I clearly remember the annual tradition of excursions to the Civic Pool during P.E. classes.

These were organised in an unusual manner, which involved walking to the pool and back from the high school. There was a small level of order to this odd excursion, there were three teachers, one leading the pack, one in the middle and one at the rear attempting to speed up the dawdlers. All students had to cross at the traffic lights on Limestone Avenue outside the high school, walk down a particular side of Coranderrk St to the Constitution Avenue traffic lights, cross at the lights, walk to the pedestrian crossing next to the convention centre and cross over to the swimming pool. This was quite naturally reversed on the way back.

Today on my way into the CIT Reid Campus around 11:30am I spotted one of these drawn out excursion groups, unfortunately there seemed to be much less order to this lot than any time during my high school years. Firstly, there was no visible teacher presence, this could be explained by the general demographic of P.E. teachers being fairly young, and often fresh out of university. Generally they do look a bit older than the students and look mildly authoritative.

Unfortunately there was no such presence in this group and it showed. Road crossings were amazingly disorganised and dangerous. Coranderrk and Ballumbir Streets intersect in a Y shape, with Ballumbir merging with Coranderrk to form a new length of Coranderrk. Naturally, this is where the group decided to cross, seemingly running across the road and dodging cars. If this move was initiated by a leading teacher then I am very concerned about the example they are imparting on their young and impressionable students. Even worse still, no teacher attempted to stop this from happening.

Following this bizarre and dangerous road crossing, many students seemingly disappeared into Glebe Park and the surrounding walkways, and headed in the general direction of Civic. Admittedly a roll call at the pool would have picked up these truants, but it is still unacceptable that this could happen so easily.

It would appear that Campbell High School’s P.E. teachers have forgotten their duty of care, and need to be reminded of school policies in relation to excursions. If an accident had occurred, which it nearly did, the consequences and negative publicity would have made them wake up. None the less, prevention is better than cure, and I will be sending a copy of this article to Campbell High School as a courtesy to allow them to review policies, and take the appropriate action to help ensure the safety of their students.

I’m certain that somebody will now tell me that high school students should be capable of crossing the road safely, and I agree, they should, but peer pressure and general teenage silliness does get in the way of clear judgements from time to time, and it is the job of the supervising teachers to keep this to a minimum.

Whilst Campbell High is my old high school, I am not picking on them simply because I used to go there. In this case I am able to draw on my experiences there and make a comparison, however I would be equally critical of any school that allowed such behaviour.

Samuel

13 comments February 24th, 2006 at 03:35pm

OK, which one of you has been trying to gain access to my email?

I noticed this rather unusual entry in the search keywords list for Wednesday February 1:

smoothwallsamuel@gmail.com password

At the time I didn’t think much of it, despite the fact that someone landed on my website three times by searching for it, however upon checking my hotmail account (I check it monthly, just to see if an old contact has sent me an email for some reason…I usually just find spam) today, I found the following email from Google:

From :
Sent : Wednesday, 1 February 2006 12:05:38 PM
To : smoothwallsamuel@hotmail.com
Subject : Google Password Assistance

To initiate the process for resetting the password for your
smoothwallsamuel@gmail.com Google Account, visit the link below

[Link removed by Samuel for obvious reasons]

If clicking the link above does not work, copy and paste the URL in a
new browser window instead.

Thank you for using Google.

For questions or concerns regarding your account, please visit the
Google Accounts FAQ at
http://www.google.com/help/faq_accounts.html.

This is a post-only mailing. Replies to this message are not monitored
or answered.

My hotmail account is listed as my secondary account for Gmail, as it was the address which my Gmail invitation was sent to.

So what does all this mean? Basically it means that somebody wanted to gain access to my Gmail account, they foolishly thought that my password would be on a website somewhere, and then thought they would be able to change my password by clicking links on the Gmail website.

Just so you know, the webserver logs for that period of time, as well as the email from Google accounts, will be forwarded to Google’s abuse team. Whether they do anything about it is something I don’t know, but be warned, further attempts at gaining access to my email will result in law enforcement officers being brought in.

You have been warned!

Now back to normal blog operations.

Samuel

1 comment February 7th, 2006 at 04:55pm

Next Posts Previous Posts


Calendar

December 2017
S M T W T F S
« May    
 12
3456789
10111213141516
17181920212223
24252627282930
31  

Posts by Month

Posts by Category

Search Blog or Web

Login/Logout

Ads By Google


Blix Theme by Sebastian Schmieg and modified for Samuel's Blog by Samuel Gordon-Stewart.
Printing CSS with the help of Martin Pot's guide to Web Page Printability With CSS.
Icons by Kevin Potts.
Powered by WordPress.
Log in