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Christmas Fruitcake

This week the Friday Funny is late on purpose, so that Samuel’s Persiflage could be on the top of the (Christmas?) tree for a while. I received many Christmas jokes in the last couple weeks, and this is the one I like the best, sent in by Tim from New York, Janet from Melbourne, and Berin from √Črd, near Budapest.

1 cup water
1 cup of sugar
4 large eggs
2 cups dried fruit
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup brown sugar
lemon juice
nuts
1 gallon whiskey

Sample the whiskey to check for quality.
Take a large bowl.
Check the whiskey again to be sure it is of the highest quality.
Pour one level cup and drink.
Repeat.
Turn on the electric mixer; beat 1 cup butter in a large, fluffy bowl.
Add 1 teaspoon sugar and beat again.
Make sure the whiskey is still OK.
Cry another tup. Turn off mixer.
Break 2 legs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Mix on the turner.
If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift 2 cups of salt. Or something, Who cares.
Check the whiskey.
Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find.
Grease the oven.
Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees.
Don’t forget to beat off the turner.
Throw the bowl out of the window.
Check the whiskey again.
Go to bed.

Do you have something you would like to contribute to Friday Funnies? If so, email it to smoothwallsamuel@gmail.com [1]. All contributions welcome!

Samuel

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#1 Comment By penagate On December 24, 2006 @ 5:21 am

I might have to try this one.

#2 Comment By Samuel On December 24, 2006 @ 6:19 am

Don’t forget the large, fluffy bowl, it’s the key to the recipe…or perhaps it’s the gallon of whiskey, that would be enough for christmas cheer thirty-three times over!