"Always look at the ground!" -- Samuel "Testing comments thing…nothing to see here!" -- Samuel "The automatic doors are odd...that is not a typo" -- Samuel "Enjoyed looking through your gallery" -- del (Peter de Lacey) "Anybody know where I can buy a box of sleep?" -- Samuel "ah, that’s right, the seminars…nearly forgot about them…" -- Samuel "To bring coffee or not to bring coffee, that is the question" -- Samuel "Tridge also refuted being a wizard…" -- Samuel "The people who packaged the flash drives obviously didn’t expect anybody to ever have a need to use them" -- Samuel "Thankyou to 2CA for making it possible to hear live AFL coverage on a regular basis in Canberra." -- Samuel "Naturally ACTION have taken their policy of “It doesn’t work, so we’ll give it to everyone”" -- Samuel "Will this prompt another call from the ACTION-Iraq Department Of Information?" -- Samuel "not particularly??? Well here it is anyway!!" -- Samuel "Check authentication settings and (suprise suprise) discover that it is waiting for Internet Explorer to provide encrypted Windows style login details…well that’s just stupid, Linux/Unix/The entire non-microsoft world (except for some old versions of Macintosh) don’t use rubbish like Internet Explorer, we use good stuff, like Mozilla Firefox." -- Samuel "an old woman got on with a trolley overflowing with plastic bags" -- Samuel "two people walked past and nearly sat on me" -- Samuel "Idiot number three, Dinal (Yes Dinal, it is you!" -- Samuel "this has to be one of the most ridiculous setting I have seen yet" -- Samuel "To quote Mr John Stanley “Oh Dear”" -- Samuel "Oh Dear" -- John Stanley "Goose Repellant, but also Deer Repellant, Snake-a-way Snake Repellant, Bat-a-way, Rat-a-way, 4 the Birds Transparent Repellant Gel and more" -- Samuel "Can penguins get booked for speeding?" -- Samuel "I hate you! I allways hated u the most! I hope a giant rat lands on your head!" -- Idiot Number Three "Eugh that is horrible I wonder what your friend is taking?" -- Tiepo "Gas & Electricity go together" -- Country Energy "she just saw cake, and cake is all she saw" -- Samuel "Some people are just plain rude" -- John B1_B5 "it is quite possible to feed yourself in India for $4 per week" -- Somebody at Civic Interchange "I think you should seek some help" -- Anonymous Correspondent "Be honest! Why would anyone want to call you?" -- Anonymous Correspondent "Well you just can’t bloody well do it." -- John Laws "About bloody time too !" -- Anonymous Correspondent "o noes! whatever shall new south wales do without sparkle?" -- soniXX "The education minister, Ms. Katy Gallagher (the loopy woman with a silent g)" -- Samuel "Exactly what the author was trying to achieve is beyond me" -- Tony Maher, General Manager of the Plain English Campaign "You have a riveting web log and undoubtedly must have atypical & quiescent potential for your intended readership." -- Thought & Humor "Part luck, part dedication, part persistence." -- Andy Merrett "all you have to do is send them your bad artwork and the one they judge as the worst wins $2000" -- Samuel describing bad artwork competition "featuring the most captivating and sensual nude scenes ever presented on a ballet stage." Canberra Theatre "The second piece of “well thought out” nonsense is up on City Hill" -- Samuel "seriously, you have good taste" -- Irf "You are one crazy, nerdy, funny guy" -- loadedog "As a psych nerd/psycho, I’d just like to say that these researchers are sheeple" -- Roughwall Bryan "I’ve seen sheep somersault over fences. That’s pretty nifty, but I don’t know about clever." -- Kerces "I have to wonder if “Glucksman” is perhaps a poor attempt at “Glucksen”, a german word for “Chuckle” which is what most of the spam I receive is good for." -- Samuel "That’s good news ! — I shall CONTINUE to have my 6 cups of coffee a day !" -- John B1_B5 "Oh, and by the way Ms Bowman, try talking a bit slower will yah !" -- John B1_B5 "“Rebecca Bowman ( Naturopath ) claimed that coffee contained … Antioxidants.”" -- Samuel "Hmmmmmmm ….. interesting question" -- John B1_B5 "Samuel, I hate your radio presenters. Bunch of wankers. But i’ll respect your taste because, sam, you’re awesome." -- eebl "Well, my statement was rash" -- eebl "I started reading it and noticed that something looked vaguely familiar, and after looking at it a little while longer, realised that they had published my letter as the “Letter of the month”" -- Samuel "When did you speak to us?" -- Australian Consolidated Press "295% of the readership have added the site to favourites" -- AwStats "I’m registered" -- John B1_B5 "somebody had too much time on their hands!" -- Samuel "Yes or No: Were you surprised by the doping allegations against Lance Armstrong or have they proven your suspicions?" -- SBS World Sport "World Sport recently changed their wallpaper to a rather eye-exploding “semi-return to the mid 80’s tango redish orange desert pattern safari”, looks worse when they show the set from a distance too, it looks like a few cans of paint exploded." -- Samuel "Or maybe, just maybe, SBS have gone mad" -- Samuel "Custom error pages that are smaller than 10k in size will not display properly in Internet Explorer. Insert a large amount of text into a comment to create the required size." -- Bluehost.com Technical Support "QLD P&W are gun mad lunatics who need to shoot stuff" -- Samuel "Turns out you were justified in all this Sam" -- Kerces "Without a doubt, City News is the worst newspaper in Canberra. In fact, it is hardly fair on the newspaper industry to call City News a newspaper, in truth it is a glorified freely-distributed glossy advertorial nonsense device." -- Samuel "City News has had a range of dismal columns by exceptionally boring people on topics that don’t matter or don’t appear to interest the writer, they all seem to have failed, possibly because the writer bored themselves, or City News sold the space to advertisers. Either way, it was dismal." -- Samuel "City News is without a doubt the worst newspaper in Canberra, and probably the nation." -- Samuel "Having worked for CityNews for not quite two months recently, this is a topic closs to my heart. and I agree with all your sentiments about it. The reason for there being three sections is that they’re marketed to the advertisers as three separate papers, each with their own cover and each cover worth a minimum of $1500" -- Kerces "In the August 18,2005 edition of City News, there is a very attractive Afro looking woman on the cover of “The Canberra Review” ( allegedly in the cast of “Carmen”, which is coming to the Canberra Theatre),but after reading the “Carmen sizzles” section, the only female names mentioned are Tania Ferris and Judith Dodsworth, and neither of those is the woman on the front cover ! It seems the Afro lady has NOTHING to do with the Canberra production of “Carmen” !" -- John B1_B5 "nobody wants to see their little play, so they make it look like some model will be in it to boost the ticket sales, sad and pathetic." -- Samuel "No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No" -- Samuel "I’m not going to stand on you!" -- American conman responding to a question about spam "You should borrow your bosses credit card…he can take it out of your pay cheque!" -- Desperate american conwoman "who cares!" -- tequilasunrise0002 "I never listen to FM stations" -- John B1_B5 "Nope" -- John B1_B5 "too bad, Im on 4pm - 9pm every third wednesday. After the bagpipe music show." -- tequilasunrise0002 "the danger threatening from the unknown consultant, had intended to catch blue shift. Waving it like a banner, she flew out the window. And the waltz" -- Story in Samuel's spam "Are all 2cc presenters called Mike or John? Is it a job requirement, like for kings?" -- Kerces "I don’t think John Stanley can stop himself saying “Good on You ”" -- John B1_B5 "Your angle of attack whilst crossing the road is not a perfect 90 degrees. You are jay-walking." -- Tiepo "That is an interesting comment, but I can’t say I necessarily agree with you." -- Samuel "I suspect public shools are schools with public pools on the roof" -- Samuel "Please keep your voices down or close the doors and windows when embarking on yellathons in the kitchen." -- Samuel "If you can plant twice in the payment desk area I will be grateful." -- Samuel "All of these scammers are unscrupulous, rude and annoying, and if I ever meet one of them, they had better hope I don’t have something heavy to garnish their head with." -- Samuel "they had been using the leaf blower inside their house as well." -- Samuel "listeners were treated to ALL the Garden show commercials back to back! 30 minutes worth, non stop!" -- It's Just Not Radio "Samuel I really think you shouldn’t worry about 2CC issues" -- Canberra_Boi "and, instead of went a doing which we for the last two weeks and going to association the Dickson Tradies for the lunch doing" -- Google Translator "This roasted rice and chicken, which is with one cappucino satay, were very nice." -- Google Translator "I ate a cup of dte" -- Google Translator "My bus driver friend has a Miteinbeziehung in the memory" -- Google Translator "UK news source Ananova have slightly more details, and not as much humour." -- Samuel "I just performed a Google image search for “Samuel Gordon-Stewart” and found that they think I’m a penguin." -- Samuel "I have always had a bit of a fascination with older radios" -- Samuel "Isn’t Stan whats-his-name on 2CC at night ?" -- John B1_B5 "Nice to see I made the August stats !" -- John B1_B5 "What is that going to prove? Absolutely nothing" -- Samuel "Now that I’ve vented my spleen, time for some coffee!" -- Samuel "The person who started this nonsense obviously belongs to the group of idiots who don’t know there is an extra day in a leap year." -- Samuel "As an ex-Radio Engineer, I’m always interested in the word ‘Frequency’ …. but when it’s used in relation to the frequency of Canberra buses , I’m afraid it’s way out of my league !" -- John B1_B5 "I have to agree with most experts who say that Makybe Diva will not win" -- Samuel a few hours before Makybe Diva won the 2005 Melbourne Cup "“Down Memory Lane” which is a purpose built program filled with a large array of music, including the light and bubbly alphabet song which has a habit of getting into your head…A you’re adorable B you’re so beautiful…" -- Samuel "People might think that emergency tapes are boring, but really they have to be one of the most interesting things on radio" -- Samuel "this logging of outages and emergency programme times reminds me of the ABC days when we had to write every incident in a log book, including the titles of any records we had to play at the transmitter site, when the programme line failed." -- John B1_B5 "I must say that I feel somewhat privileged to have made it into the Best Of Laws segment, and so I must thank John Laws and his production team for using my call." -- Samuel "What did one thermometer say to the other thermometer? You make my temperature rise!" -- Troydanger "Why did the woman who listens to 2CC in Canberra go outside with her purse open? Because she expected some change in the weather!" -- Troydanger "What happens when it rains cats and dogs? You have to be careful not to step in a poodle!!" -- Troydanger "Yep, alright, good on ya." -- John Stanley "Yes, Good Afternoon" -- John Stanley "The thunderstorm here in Canberra is causing really annoying crackles on the amplitude modulated 2CC signal….. the ONLY disadvantage of AM !" -- John B1_B5 "Ha,ha…thanks …. I must admit I got a good laugh out of that …. even though I was being portrayed as a bit of a whinger , lol !" -- John B1_B5 "good on you Samuel ; )" -- Choice~wah "Are the construction workers aliens?" -- Samuel "The Men From Marrs" -- A sign on a Marrs construction company crane "Samuel I am a bit concerned that you didn’t put copyright notices on these ones." -- Doris2cc "What are they building ?" -- John B1_B5 "It is much easier to forget that you are talking to a lot of people when you are in a studio, when you have spectators it does become a bit more difficult as the “public speaking issue” comes into it." -- Samuel "the microphone was too close to her head for me to get a decent photo" -- Samuel "the christmas period, “leads to a 25 percent hike in service calls due to incidents such as the classic backside copying prank. Such a stunt, a mainstay of the office party, often results in cracked glass on the copier, with 32 percent of Canon technicians claiming to have been called out to fix glass plates during the Christmas period after attempts to copy body parts went wrong”." -- Slashdot "Later on, the whiteboard owners start to make their way out of the carpark with their whiteboards, in doing this they have to go down a ramp, which the complain is too steep" -- A dream of Samuel's "Righto, you want to get into the carpark but you need to fill in your whiteboard." -- Mattr "When I got to the event, the canteen manager made an unexpected comment, she announced that she had heard me on the John Laws show the other day" -- Samuel "The breakfast itself was quite good, with plenty of nice food, I personally had a slice of toast, some bacon, scambled egg, a croissant and a hash brown. This is quite a large breakfast for me, considering that I usually settle for a couple slices of toast or a bowl of cereal, but I did work up a bit of an appetite with the 30 minute dog walk and a 40 minute walk to the college." -- Samuel "The breakfast also had a somewhat traditional speech from a former student, unfortunately this speech was neither motivational, uplifting or particularly interesting" -- Samuel "I don’t think Troy was referring to the physical appearance or clothing of the individuals involved, but rather to their standing in the world and the importance of the interaction." -- Doris2cc "I also agree this is a cool Blog. I have already listed it in my favorites." -- Samspam "I am somewhat convinced that Capital Radio Network Outside Broadcasts attract thunderstorms." -- Samuel "Wow I nearly chocked on my cupcake with your amazing reply." -- Samspam "I have decided that the recent spate of users with similar names and similar fascinations with tea towels and stories of people being killed by flying plants, is suspicious to say the least. The way some of the discussions turned into strange cupcake discussions is mildly disturbing." -- Samuel "Frasier, you will be remembered forever." -- Samuel "yes i will miss it almost as much as i do my tea towels when i put them in the washing machine" -- sam_myman "I’m a public servant, we don’t learn from our mistakes, we live in the present!" -- A public servant on the TV show "Judge John Deed" "Misquotation is, in fact, the pride and privilege of the learned. A widely- read man never quotes accurately, for the rather obvious reason that he has read too widely." -- Hesketh Pearson "Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for - in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it." -- Ellen Goodman "On some of Nattie’s longer walks, the radio has accompanied us, this morning would be a good example as we enjoyed David Young’s Garden on our 40 minute walk." -- Samuel "I was looking through one of your sites last night and noticed you’ve written “John B1_B5″ on your shed." -- Samuel "I wouldn’t mind owning a REAL 1927 Model T “fully restored” PMG van !" -- John B1_B5 "Sammy, you do know that your art work sucks, don’t you? Or are you trying for a retro look? It’s not working. My five year old cousin draws better than you do. But then, she’s normal." -- Elle "i really believe your artwork is contemporary chic and shows an in-depth outlook of the inflation prices risen in the east." -- Meeks "FM stations are boring, have poor coverage, hard to tune in, and are virtually useless in a mobile car radio." -- John B1_B5 "That’s right. FM stations are for Communists!" -- Concerned "Radio programs should be boycotted based soley on which band it is broadcast on!" -- Concerned "I came up with a scenario where someone might need more floor space in their bedroom, so the obvious and logical thing to do would be to move the bed onto the ceiling." -- Samuel "Oh boy, just when I thought some sanity had returned to my life, 2UE pull some strange changes out of a hat and make my 2CC listening odd." -- Samuel "who would have thought a segment about cleaning stains would be so much fun." -- Samuel "There’s nothing like a dream about a strange bicycle race in an unknown suburb." -- Samuel "If this is a make believe life then I can take comfort in the fact that you and the TSSH loonies (of which I think you are one) do not exist…hooray!" -- Samuel "imagine how much time and angst I would have saved if I had hit the right buttons in the first place." -- Samuel "I’ve already quit and set fire to your tie." -- eebl "What happens when you let all the people in the lunatic asylums out into society? You end up with websites like The Spin Starts Here" -- Samuel "Look up http://samuelgordonstewart.com. It’s the worst blog you’ll ever find." -- Blah Blah "The whole thing actually leaves me a bit speechless, because I just can’t believe that anyone normal would love 2CC as much as this dude does." -- Blah Blah "For the record, I believe that 2CC provides quality radio, and that some people just aren’t bright enough to realise it." -- Samuel "The ACT Evacuation Strategy is underpinned by the ACT Emergencies Act 2004 which allows Emergency Services to restrict movement to an area, or direct to people to leave an area due to unacceptable risks to life, property and the environment. The Strategy provides a flexible and adaptable approach to the management of evacuations that is not possible through the development of fixed plans. To achieve this the Strategy has the following components" -- ACT Government Emergency Booklet "sqealing and screeching with musical acompaniment" -- Samuel "that Sydney gardening show is sooooooooo boring !" -- John B1_B5 "As if that wasn’t bad enough, they have completely dumped the entire weekend schedule and made up a new one." -- Samuel "Apparently if people are going to have to eat the plates we will need more of them on the lawn….." -- Samuel "Well MY dream last night was quite bizarre ( as dreams usually are ) . I dreamt I got on a Canberra bus ( perish the thought ) . The bus started moving, but instesd of speeding up, it slowed down, drove up over the gutter, and cut through a park, weaving between trees on the way . Then I woke up ( thank God ) ." -- John B1_B5 "The proposal for the construction of the busway is just another example of re-inventing the wheel." -- Kevin Connor replying to one of my letters in The Chronicle "I would like to point out that 2UE’s “On this Day” segment got it TOTALLY WRONG yesterday when they said that Les Darcy, the Australian boxer died on this day ( October 31 ) . In fact he died on May 24th, 1917 !" -- John B1_B5 "Yesterday around midday Dickson College had the annual year 12 photo taken. This would have been enjoyable if it wasn’t for the fact that it took about 20 photos until the photographer was satisfied. After about the third attempt it becomes increasingly difficult to look happy…I was certainly underwhelmed by the time the 20th photo came around." -- Samuel "Laws does enjoy playing songs over and over and over….I wonder if he ever did it with “Oh Oh Over and Over”?" -- Samuel "daylight saving causes cancer, depression, the flu, flying werewolf disease and just about every other known and unknow medical problem on the planet" -- Woman against Daylight Saving "I had a scary (and somewhat odd) dream last night where I met ACT Chief Turnip Jon Stanhope near the bus stop across the road from the ACT Legislative Assembly." -- Samuel "Sound like a mob of halfwits !" -- John B1_B5 "It might seem odd that I had coffee at a car wash, but this is an interesting car wash." -- Samuel "Of all the cases of stupidity this planet shows, this has to be near the top of the list. The police woman who gave 83-year-old Pat Gallen a $30 for crossing the road slowly is threatening to sue John Laws for defamation. Laws, and the rest of the media, criticised this police woman, and the fine was revoked after a public outcry." -- Samuel "Make your sales clear. Still selling them with Welshy, Welshy. Trading Post man on two double C. He knows how to buy, knows how to sell. Welshyyyy" -- Proposed jingle for next time Mike Welsh hosts The Trading Post "It would appear that ACTION have launched a new dialect of mathematics which challenges conventional thinking on the subject. The advance copies of their new maths appears to contain the notion that swapping plus and minus signs provides more interesting results. ACTION have even launched at least one set of signs which use the new version of maths." -- Samuel "My favourite jingle, or more correctly, advert, goes back to the 1960’s when the ORIGINAL louie the fly advert made its debut . It was written by no less than Bryce Courtenay and performed by Ross Higgins (of “Kingswood Country” fame ) ." -- John B1_B5 "For example, the other day while I was taking Nattie for a walk, a bunch of children aged around 9 or 10 were playing in the front yard of their house, as Nattie and I walked past, one of the children for no apparent reason called out “Go Away!”, pulled a funny face and stuck his tongue out at me. A person, who I can safely assume was the mother of at least one of the children, was only a couple metres away from the children and saw the whole event, but did she reprimand the child for such unprovoked anti-social behaviour? No, she did not." -- Samuel "This afternoon my attention was drawn to the comments of Daily Telegraph columnist Piers Akerman. Piers made some very interesting, and in my view correct, observations about the Leaky Stanhope Saga" -- Samuel "This dream takes place on Sydney Harbour at John Kerr’s Christmas Function. It is a lovely clear sunny warm day and everyone at the function is enjoying their lunch when all of a sudden the crew of the boat decide that it is time for the cleaning competition. We are all handed cleaning cloths and sprays and mops and brooms and various other cleaning implements, and the captain of the boat starts talking like a pirate “Aarrgh, he or she who cleans ye boat the best wins a bottle of flowers…aargh.” So everybody starts cleaning various parts of the boat, and it starts to look very shiny, the bottle of flowers is sitting on top of the flagpole, and the captain goes up to the top to retrieve it, and comes back down and hands it to Georgie, one of John’s many lovely callers. After that we all go back to lunch." -- Samuel "Not only did nobody attempt to determine what the substance was in Kippax, they also left the bus driver standing around in the roped off area for fear of contamination, but never attempted to de-contaminate him. This is surely one of the strangest ways to deal with a potential chemical threat, and appears to show a lack of proper procedure for handling such matters." -- Samuel "I have to question the judgement of the Chief Minister to circulate this document on the world wide web when it clearly states on the front page ‘Draft-in-Confidence" -- ACT Shadown Attorney General Bill Stefaniak MLA "The Posties would be too freaked out by the fact it was curried and therefore from the middle-east to do anything BUT call ASIO." -- eebl "Do you think ASIO would blow up the suspicious curry, blowing up potentially dangerous items (including potential bombs) seems to be standard procedure for some peculiar reason." -- Samuel "I think the idea is if they blow it up and it happens to be a bomb and therefore detonate all over the place, then they have a scapegoat — whoever planted it first." -- eebl "The people from the Majura Cafe said that they liked the review, although the person responsible for the yellathon wasn’t entirely conviced, but did give reasons for it, mainly kitchen staff who are staff by name and not nature." -- Samuel "I received some feedback about some of my recordings from years gone by. Apparently they are scarier than scary movies, and potentially nightmare material…the wisdom of putting such things on the internet has also been questioned." -- Samuel "the infomercials from 2am to 4am on Prime Television were listed as being a repeat." -- Samuel "Seeing as all of our past and present chief ministers are so excited about this (and presumably being well paid to administer it), they should be the feature attraction. We could have them all stand on top of each other on top of the flagpole on City Hill, they could even stand there all day on the celebratory day, which would surely bring in the media attention." -- Samuel "The beauty about the trams was that there was always one coming in the distance, and if it was too crowded, you just waited for the next one." -- John B1_B5 "3am: Still awake and in bed, it was around this time that John Kerr read my email and seemed quite pleased to hear from me again, he agreed with my statement that I don’t email or call enough." -- Samuel "I wonder if the reason you’re having trouble sleeping is all this coffee you’re drinking ?" -- John B1_B5 "You sholud have senn this post before I diid some proofenreadinening…stary lettres everywhreere" -- Samuel "Sydney traffic at 5am where “the roads aren’t very busy”" -- Radio 2UE "That sounds totally reasonable to me Samuel" -- John B1_B5 "It was around this time that I lost the 2CC signal or to be more precise, they stopped producing sound, 15 seconds later the emergency tape kicked in, it kept going through it’s initial ad break, played two different music returns and then launched into some bizzare program called “Down Memory Lane” which started with some semi-amusing alphabet song which sounds like it came from the 1940’s or 1950’s, the tape was then interupted and started from the begginning again, playing it’s ad break, two music returns and launched straight into that song again…this made me want to burst out laughing, but I managed to mostly contain myself." -- Samuel "And then we have yet another photo of the “Multiplex” buidling, now known on this blog as the “Multiplex Monstrosity”." -- Samuel "It is worthwhile pointing out that I hadn’t seen John B1_B5’s comment about him also going to see the Kingswood, so I was unaware that he was coming, and was surprised when he arrived. I didn’t recognise him at first, but I had requested that Mike Frame stand next to the Kingswood for a photo, and John B1_B5 arrived so we both wanted to take a photo of this, it was only just before we took the photos that we recognised each other. We promptly started a small competition to see who has the best Kingswood photos." -- Samuel "and the person on the right is Mike Jeffreys, whilst it looks like he is putting on an interesting funny pose, he is actually trying to get rid of flies." -- Samuel "is it Telstra Tower? And is there a photographic fog?" -- Samuel "On my way home I passed through the Canberra Centre and noticed one of those little Canberra oddities, they hadn’t brought in the lightweight portable “long weekend trading hours” sign, despite it being nearly 4PM the day after the end of the long weekend. This poses a question…did they leave it out overnight or did the bring it out this morning?" -- Samuel "I must agree about that ‘Multiplex monstrosity’ …. looks like something out of the 1970’s !" -- John B1_B5 "Vitaly Matyukhin, from Arkhangelsk, converted his new home into a fridge" -- UK News Source Ananova "Going to be Mike Frame’s ’shadow’ again Samuel ? lol !" -- John B1_B5 "I noticed a curious article in the City Ads today (I’m well aware of it’s real name being City News…but it is an advertorial-a-thon)." -- Samuel "The most popular article was the Pictures Of 2UE’s new studios, possibly due to John B1_B5 mentioning it to Mike Frame on-air, or possibly because it contained a bunch of irrelevant comments." -- Samuel "Nattie’s bark is one of the few noises that is capable of penetrating any wall in the house" -- Samuel "Is that English???" -- Samuel "Speaking of coffee — I’ve recently taken to drinking copious amounts of Nescafe ‘Kenjara’ coffee. It’s good stuff, but it’s costing me $8 per week ! (that’s how much a 100 gram jar costs ) ." -- John B1_B5 "There would probably be numerous problems if the house owners went shopping…having a bunch of people following them through the supermarket talking and singing and advertising would probably drive an awful lot of people nuts." -- Samuel "My school term bus ticket arrived in the mail yesterday, but this one appears to have come from a stockpile of tickets, which is much different to the last two term tickets I have received, which were somewhat sequential." -- Samuel "Not as confusing if you had decided to refer to floors as doors." -- Tiepo "Yes, my three door house could have been a car…but which would be the top door? The sixth door sunroof?" -- Samuel "I am deeply saddened by the news that Don Adams (aka Maxwell Smart/Agent 86 from Get Smart) has passed away aged 82...May he rest in peace, and be in our hearts always." -- Samuel "Naturally it was up to Max and 99 to turn off the giant fan, which from memory was on top of an igloo." -- Samuel "I suspect that Channel 9 can’t perform basic mathematical operations. Last night they ran a special presentation about the top 50 shows from the last 50 years of Australian television. The only problem is that we have only had 49 years of Australian television." -- Samuel "In “the good old days” pop singers actually made songs that had tunes and were memorable: now they just make a cacaphony." -- Uncyclopedia "The dead air……purchased at all good record stores" -- Troydanger "Oh and by the way...Samuel you are not very funny...but I do appreciate the effort." -- stan_T "After just one very tough week of listening ( or hearing) I can safely say that Lawsie's listeners are by far the stupidest morons I have heard on the radio in quite some time." -- stan_T "I respect your opinion stan_T, I just don't agree with it." -- Samuel "anyone who thinks Piers Akerman has hit anything on the head has had too many hits to the head!" -- stan_T "In my mind, moving up a floor and being subjected to Lawsie would be a good thing" -- Samuel "Yes i must say, with TSSH and other comments on Samuel, i have found him to handle himself well, with maturity." -- Jingle "The other night I tried having my phone on me set to vibrate at "alarm time". I don't actually recall it or my alarm clock going off, but I do recall waking up about an hour after alarm time and seeing my phone on the other side of the room." -- Samuel "If you don’t like something I say, you have every right to call me an idiot, to reply with comments, and to dress in an orange tutu and dance down the street with signs saying “Samuel Is Wrong”" -- Samuel "hmmmm….is forgotteness a word???" -- Samuel "AOL internet connections work with proprieatary AOL software (Including their own bizzare version of the clattering rubbish machine that is commonly known as Microsoft Internet Explorer" -- Samuel "The American political system is like a gigantic Mexican Christmas fiesta. Each political party is a huge pinata — a papier-mache donkey, for example. The donkey is filled with full employment, low interest rates, affordable housing, comprehensive medical benefits, a balanced budge and other goodies. The American voter is blindfoled and given a stick. The voter then swings the stick wildly in every direction, trying to hit a political candidate on the head and knock some sense into the silly bastard." -- P.J. O’Rourke "She had died a mostly unexpected death. Snowboarding in 1887 When she came in he heard her singing." -- A story in Samuel's spam "At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down." -- One way to maintain a healthy level of insanity. "Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don’t Disguise Your Voice." -- One way to maintain a healthy level of insanity. "Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that." -- One way to maintain a healthy level of insanity. "Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch To Espresso." -- One way to maintain a healthy level of insanity. "In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write “For Smuggling Diamonds”" -- One way to maintain a healthy level of insanity. "Finish All Your sentences with “In Accordance With The Prophecy.”" -- One way to maintain a healthy level of insanity. "Don’t use any punctuation" -- One way to maintain a healthy level of insanity. "As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk." -- One way to maintain a healthy level of insanity. "Order a diet water with a serious face whenever you go out to eat." -- One way to maintain a healthy level of insanity. "Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is “To Go." -- One way to maintain a healthy level of insanity. "Sing Along At The Opera." -- One way to maintain a healthy level of insanity. "Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don’t Rhyme." -- One way to maintain a healthy level of insanity. "Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play Tropical Sounds All Day." -- One way to maintain a healthy level of insanity. "Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom." -- One way to maintain a healthy level of insanity. "When The Money Comes Out of The ATM, Scream “I Won! I Won!”" -- One way to maintain a healthy level of insanity. "Tell Your Children Over Dinner, “Due To the Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.”" -- One way to maintain a healthy level of insanity. "Growing older is mandatory, Growing up is optional, Laughing at yourself is therapeutic." -- Random advice "you’re entitled to your opinion…I just don’t agree with it" -- Samuel "When I was at Primary school, ALL the clocks were “wind-up” types . A bit of a pain, but at least they kept going during a power failure ." John B1_B5 "I worked out that it works like one of those magic eye pictures, if you stare at it long enough with your eyes semi crossed it looks like a guy with no eyes lying in bed listening to the radio." -- Aunty_Jack "I can’t decide because I’m still in shock. When I first glanced at the picture, I thought Sam’s head was his feet, and naturally I glanced to the opposite end of the bed, and saw just a section of gently-sloping multi-coloured pathwork and kind of freaked out." -- wonko the sane "Reading ” Samuel in Dolghwot ” , or, more specifically, looking at the associated drawing(s), can be quite inspirational !" -- John B1_B5 "I could have gone with any number of advertising providers, but I don’t want ads that flash, flicker, buzz, popup, popunder, squeal, annoy or interupt. That rules out a lot of advertising sites." -- Samuel "I’ve often thought about how I would like to visit a house 10 or 20 years after leaving it and see how much different it is." -- Samuel "As a matter of interest, the Dish was made by Mitsubishi (of Japan ) and had a cassegrain feed with a liquid helium low noise receiver mounted on the dish . Intelsat 3 ( over the Indian Ocean ) was replaced by Intelsat 4, then 5, before the Earth Station was decommissioned . The new earth station near Perth is normally unmanned and does not use a liquid helium low noise receiver because the power output of satellites has gone from 3 Watts to around 100 Watts . " -- John B1_B5 "sam would be OK if he was just in his bubble. But he’s not. He’s writing letters to the efitor, he’s always calling up talkback radio, and he’s pushing for a staggeringly cruel and intolerant society forced to be just like him. In Sam’s world Eddie and Lawsie are to be respected and disrespect is terminated. That’s just one reason why he needs to be held up to constant ridicule." -- Johnboy "We cannot continue to sustain a government school system where there are, in the context of the level of expenditure, which we make or investment in education and maintain a school system at that level of under use." -- ACT Chief Turnip Jon Stanhope "It’s like he’s started to say something, forgotten what it was, kept trying anyway, and given up in a flurry of random adjectives." -- Ed "but if we weren’t here we wouldn’t be here" -- Jim Hacker MP "This is what happens if you let the loonies out of the asylum." -- Chuck A. Spear "One really frustrating thing I’ve found about stalking myself is how the phone’s always engaged when I dial myself late at night to wake myself up" -- Heatseeker "Once again I would like to thank you for shopping at Supabarn and for alerting us of the printing error on our receipt rolls." -- Andy Vaccaro, Store Manager, City Supabarn "Where on Earth is Samuel ? — Hmmmm ….Perhaps he isn’t ON earth today . lol !" -- John B1_B5 "NEWSFLASH ! —- Samuel is alive and well, and was heard talking to John Kerr on Radio 2UE between 5.10am and 5.15am (Saturday morning ) ." -- John B1_B5 "I’m wrapping myself in foil as a precaution." -- Wonko The Sane "I am glad to hear that Wonko. I have just covered my spectacles with foil." -- Chuck A. Spear "A wiser fella than me once said, sometimes you eat the bar, and sometimes… (slurps sarsaparilla)… sometimes the bar eats you." -- Wonko The Sane "Here's what I think will happen on Monday: Tim Webster's head will grow so perfectly square it will become the new international standard for scientists wishing to confirm the exact measurement for a right angle. John Stanley, so fatigued from his marathon six-hour day, will suddenly snap and attack Steve Liebmann with a Bunnings rake while on air, and John Laws will become paranoid about all these hosts waiting in the wings and have his tonsils set with harded, gold-chip Valvoline and die from complications hours later. Then, inexplicably, a shower of golden and black pineapple pieces will rain from the sky above a nice garden, somewhere in Reid." -- Captain Flume "I don’t add up to four!" -- Samuel "I won't listen to the ABC" -- John B1_B5 on a 2CC Open Line promo "I like the sort of people you get on this program" -- John B1_B5 on a 2CC Open Line promo "Summernats - sometimes referred to as "summer gnats". Question - What do you do to a gnat ? Answer - You SWAT it of course !" -- John B1_B5 "I stopped at a green light when driving when I had that awful plague last month. Fortunately no one was directly behind me." -- Jey "and please if you must answer he uses the Italian language" -- megryan68@hotmail.it "That 'city news' isn't much chop !" -- John B1_B5 "Art is either plagiarism or revolution" -- Paul Gauguin "You see the thing I figured out is that most people love drama. They love having something interesting to say and having people strongly react to their posts. Most people need and want their lives to be chaos- it excites them. Yours however is a blog that doesn’t need nor seek drama. You are who you are and you don’t live your life to search out the extreme highs and lows of our existence. And I do believe that out of all the blogs I read yours would hands down be the most honest." -- Lucylou Ainslie, Belconnen, Civic, Fyshwick, Gungahlin, Jerrabomberra, Kingston, Manuka, Narrabundah, Queanbeyan, Woden and Weston Creek -- Place John B1_B5 doesn't visit. "asking me what the ingredients were is like asking a square how it feels to be round." -- Samuel "Fred Nile gives independents a bad name." -- Lachlan Connor, Independent for Victoria in the 2007 federal election "I would never want to see any politician in briefs. Except maybe Margaret Thatcher." -- Bearded Clam "Ahh the moon, my favourite mood enhancer" -- Jey "Stanhope’s a narcissist for sure" -- eebl "nice use of piccies, pity the the piccies aren’t so nice!" -- Jey "Disgraceful conduct. Absolutely disgraceful !" -- Jackie Birk MLC "$25 is my final offer." -- John B1_B5 "Heather Mills is faking it. Shes like those seagulls who pretend they have one leg, you feel sorry for them and give them a chip, then they bugger off with two legs." -- Bearded Clam "At first I was like :| But then I lol'd :D" -- eebl "You should know not to believe me" -- 666 ABC Canberra's Louise Maher "You have a strange website...you should see a physician about it." -- Clive Robertson "The fact that you (Samuel) can’t see what is strange about it (this website) is a worry" -- Clive Robertson "Clive Robertson runs a very strange radio programme." -- John20747 "There is one thing I have never seen advertised in spam, and that is the meat product of the same name…I wonder why?" -- Samuel "you are WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG on EVERYTHING" -- James Scolland "The Internet, like any medium, is here for people with proper minds to use for the dissemination of actual information and you do not do that, all you do is clog up the Internet with the nonsense that fills your head." - James Scolland "You can’t work out whether to capitlise every word in your titles or not." -- James Scolland "You have a podcast where you talk about nothing for hours." -- James Scolland "Your opinions are always wrong." -- James Scolland "People like you should not be allowed to use computers or go anywhere near anything where your utter garbage and nonsense can be distributed to an audience." -- James Scolland "all commercial radio should be closed because it is all filled with people who are wrong on everything EVERYTHING YES EVERYTHING and only the ABC left on because it has everyone who thinks with their brain and is correct about everything." -- James Scolland "You are an idiot and must close your Blog NOW to stem the tide of your puerile nonsense which is bad for everyone." -- James Scolland "I AM RIGHT AND YOU KNOW IT" -- James Scolland "If god didn't mean for us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them out of meat" -- 2CC's Mike Jeffreys "Thanks to http://samuelgordonstewart.com/ blog where I got it. Not that I like this website" -- Anna "If you don’t eat the whole pudding at once it voids the warranty. I read it on a pudding container. It may have been written in crayon and in my handwriting but I read it." — Approximate quote of Clive Robertson