Posts filed under 'Friday Funnies'

Friday Funnies: Some fun with Sir Joh

With the Queensland election in full swing, it seems like an appropriate time to revisit the man who could be considered the most well-known Queensland politician of all time, Sir Joh Bjelke-Petersen. Regardless of how you viewed him, television satire program Fast Forward had a very amusing version of him. In my view, their sketch where Sir Joh was a contestant on Sale Of The Century alongside Jana Wendt is one of their best bits of work.

Samuel

2 comments January 16th, 2015 at 10:28am

Friday Funnies: The Breathe Easies. It’d be funny if it wasn’t funded by taxpayers

There are a handful of community service announcements being run in the US at the moment reminding people to do some really obvious things such as “vacuum up the floor”. It’s a little hard to tell who the target audience is as they come in the form of bizarre little animated music videos which carry all of the characteristics of an animation aimed at small children, which seems odd for messages which are surely targeted at adults.

They are striking for their peculiarity on radio…but the video versions…wow! There’s some laughter there, but I have no words.

Samuel

2 comments January 9th, 2015 at 05:04am

Friday Funnies: Sandy Roberts goes to Commentator Heaven

Fox Footy released a promo this week for Sandy Roberts’ return to television AFL commentary later this year, and it amused me quite a bit. I really enjoy Sandy commentating and have enjoyed having him on the radio over the last few years…I’m happy that his commentary will once again reach a wider audience on television though.

The fact that heaven in this case has AFL goal posts, and Sandy even lets out an “Oh my hat!” is brilliant. The apparent implication from the promo that Kevin Bartlett has also joined Fox as a commentator is also great news (but I hope he can still call games for SEN).

Incidentally, when Sandy left Seven last year, I wrote him a letter to express my gratitude for all he has done for sport on television and radio over the years and to wish him all the best for his next career stage at Fox Footy (I also said that I hope this doesn’t prevent him from doing some radio commentary still, as I think he works really well with both Rex Hunt and Peter Donegan). In the letter, I sent Sandy the lyrics for a song…back in the 1990s, John Laws had a jingle produced which started with the lines “Life ain’t so tough when there’s Lawsie / He’s good news to me” and he still uses it to this day. Alas I don’t have the audio on me to demonstrate the concept, but I adapted the song for Sandy.

Golf isn’t golf without Sandy
He’s on-par to me!
He can take a bogey
And turn it in to a birdie
And at the Aussie Rules
He sits next to the fat lady
She can start to croon
And “oh my hat” comes out of Sandy

He’s the voice of the golf you can trust
He’ll keep you going when you’re in the rough

I’ve got Sandy commentating
(trumpets sound)
Sandy commentating
(trumpets sound)
He’s a putter
He’s a driver
He’ll keep you out of the bunker
Ooon the front nine
(trumpets sound)
Aaand the back nine
(trumpets sound)
Sandy’s commentating!

I kind of hope that Sandy quietly let out an “oh my hat” when he read that.

Samuel

(h/t David Knox, TV Tonight for bringing my attention to the promo)

February 15th, 2014 at 04:44am

Friday Funnies: Which file extension are you?

It’s rare that I find an online personality quiz which is remotely accurate, and it’s even rarer that I come across one which is amusing. This morning I came across this one which fits both bills. A decent bit of geek humour which isn’t (for most file extensions) out of the understanding of non-programmer types. Some of the questions are quite amusing too.

You are .html You are versatile and improving, but you do have your limits.  When you work with amateurs it can get quite ugly.
Which File Extension are You?

I’m not 100% sure about the “improving” bit (I never really think I’ve improved until the proof whacks me across the head) but the rest is accurate. I like a certain amount of routine but I adapt when I have to, but I can get more than a bit frustrated when dealing with people who don’t know what they’re doing…especially if they should know what they’re doing.

I was hoping to be a .inf file which apparently is informative and without which life can be difficult for whoever is left. Alas this is one of my delusions…I may be informative, but everyone’s life carries on quite well without my input, even if I think my input is indispensable at times.

Good luck.

Samuel

2 comments January 24th, 2014 at 08:57am

Selfies with farm animals…apparently it’s more fun that going around a paddock in circles

I thought this was a joke at first, but no it turns out to be a real thing, and in my book that makes it even funnier.

GWN7 News in Western Australia had a story last night about a craze which is allegedly sweeping farms across the state…people taking photos of themselves with farm animals and implements. I got a good laugh out of the interview with the farmer who says it’s better than getting bored going around a paddock in circles. Some of the photos are pretty good as well.

I shouldn’t be surprised. This does, after all, come from the same state which gave us the man who spent nine months walking across the country in a storm trooper outfit.

Samuel

January 17th, 2014 at 08:40am

Friday Funnies: A job at the zoo

This week’s joke comes with thanks to Mark McGill, who used the joke on his show during the week.

A man was looking for a job and he noticed that there was an opening at the local zoo. He inquired about the job and discovered that the zoo had a very unusual position that they wanted to fill. Apparently their gorilla had died, and until they could get a new one, they needed someone to dress up in a gorilla suit and act like a gorilla for a few days. He was to just sit, eat, and sleep. His identity would be kept a secret of course. Thanks to a very fine gorilla suit, no one would be the wiser. The zoo offered good pay for this job, so the man decided to do it. He tried on the suit and sure enough, he looked just like a gorilla.

They led him to the cage; he took a position at the back of the cage and pretended to sleep. But after a while, he got tired of sitting so he walked around a little bit, jumped up and down and tried a few gorilla noises. The people who were watching him seemed to really like that. When he would move or jump around, they would clap and cheer and throw him peanuts. And the man loved peanuts. So he jumped around some more and tried climbing a tree.

That seemed to really get the crowd excited. They threw more peanuts. Playing to the crowd, he grabbed a vine and swung from one side of the cage to the other. The people loved it and threw more peanuts.

“Wow, this is great” he thought. He swung higher and the crowd grew bigger. He continued to swing on the vine, getting higher and higher and then all of a sudden, the vine broke! He swung up and out of the cage, landing in the lion’s cage that was next door.

He panicked. There was a huge lion not twenty feet away, and it looked very hungry. So the man in the gorilla suit started jumping up and down, screaming and yelling, “Help, help! Get me out of here! I’m not really a gorilla! I’m a man in a gorilla suit! Heeelllllp!”

The lion quickly pounced on the man, held him down and said, “Will you be quiet! You’re going to get both of us fired!!!”

Samuel

January 10th, 2014 at 01:59pm

Definitions by anagram

Today’s Friday Funny came to me from Michael Berry of AM 740 KTRH in Houston, Texas. It’s a very clever and amusing series of definitions produced by rearranging letters. They all seem to fit, especially the last one. Enjoy!

PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES – LET’S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z ‘S

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
I’M A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER

PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA
When you rearrange the letters:
AN ARAB BACKED IMPOSTER

Samuel

2 comments December 6th, 2013 at 05:47am

Friday Funnies: How not to handle the satellites

CBS Local News in Sacramento provides this gem of a story.

A man who called 911 more than 100 times in one month says he’s not going to stop until his concerns are heard by the federal government.

Jimmy Shao keeps a log book of every 911 call he’s made. So many that he boasts he’s probably set a world record.

He doesn’t believe he’s wasting the time of emergency responders because he has an emergency of his own: Shao believes he’s being watched by shadowy government authorities.

He claims to believe his body is controlled by satellites.

“My brain, I can feel it starting. I’m blasted by the signals, every couple of minutes,” he said. “I yell and I scream, ‘Stop it, I don’t need this,’ but they never listen.”

Sacramento Police say he’s ignored warnings to stop calling over and over, so they arrested him for 911 abuse.
[..]
Fresh out of jail, Shao promises he isn’t done dialing 911, “until Congress starts an investigation.”

Police say if he does continue to call he will be arrested again. They also say they may look for some counseling to get him some help.

Alas the story leaves me with more questions than answers. For example, I would love to know:
Are the satellites making him call 911?
When does he fill out the log book? Before, during, or after the call?
Does calling 911 help to stop the satellites from controlling him?
How does he know that congress aren’t in cahoots with the “shadowy government” folk who are controlling him?
Has he tried ringing various government departments who might be in control of the satellites so that he can more directly tell them “stop it, I don’t need this”?
Why haven’t the police just bought him some aluminium foil to help block out the signals?

So now I know Sacramento for two things. Firstly for having a PBS station which announces “Sacramento” in a posh pseudo-British accent that Rush Limbaugh loves to imitate, and for being the focal point of the shadowy government folk’s experiments…I think I might steer clear of the place lest it be contagious.

And then there’s the comments on the CBS article…I like this one:

dboots • 6 hours ago
this man may not be that far from the truth. Because of Lawrence
Livermore Nat Lab testing satellite constellations, here in San Joaquin County we can no longer see the real stars. We hardly ever get to see thousands of stars anymore and instead it is less than 200
(two hundred) as they block our ability to see the real stars. You can see these satellite constellations sending pulses back and forth of which stars are real and which are part of their system. What are the purposes of the pulses seen? Are the satellites a Star Wars Weapon n Defense system? Are they tracking us? If
future wars are meant to be fought from a comfort of an armchair then at
some point they have to test those satellite Star Wars weapons. Where
else are they gonna test them but aiming them our way? Those
satellite constellations are your future police
force/army/navy/marines/national guard most likely. look up smile :)

Or it could just be light pollution blocking out the light of some of the stars…but no, clearly the real stars are being hidden in a cupboard somewhere.

Samuel

1 comment May 24th, 2013 at 05:33pm

Friday Funnies: Gangnam Style – The Ray Hadley “Labor’s got no style” version

Before I go ahead with this, I must apologise as I would love nothing more than to never hear the song Gangnam Style ever again, however I have to admit to being quite amused by Ray Hadley’s “Labor’s got no style” version…so much so that I can get over any reservations I might have about the original song.

Another little bit of amusement from this is that when I played it, I was shown three ads for Labor candidates in tomorrow’s ACT election. Here’s one of them.

ACT Labor ad overlayed on Ray Hadley's

It’s as amusing as seeing all of the Labor ads during The Bolt Report. They’re (most of them anyway) too scared to go on the shows, and think that the ads will somehow impress their audience. Oh they’re a funny lot.

Samuel

2 comments October 19th, 2012 at 10:19am

Friday Funnies: Pebbles and the Vacuum Monster

This evening Pebbles was playing with her toys when the Vacuum Monster interrupted her. She started playing with the Vacuum Monster instead and eventually had a bit of a victory.

Samuel

April 6th, 2012 at 07:55pm

Friday Funny (on a Friday this time): Kevin Rudd will survive

For some reason, I just don’t doubt it…

Samuel

March 2nd, 2012 at 05:30am

Friday Funny (on a Thursday because I forgot what day it is): Kevin Rudd and Julia Gillard

Alas I don’t have a lot of time to spare today, and somehow got it in to my head that today was Friday and not Thursday (I put it down to the NRL season starting tonight and causing me great confusion) so this just have to do for today. Originally I was going to post two videos in this post, but seeing as I have now worked out that it is Thursday, the second one can wait until tomorrow.

Given the events of this week in federal politics, and the fact that I don’t think Kevin Rudd’s ego will let him leave alone the idea of getting back in to a powerful position in the government, today I will share with you my favourite Kevin and Julia song.

Tomorrow, my favourite of Kevin on his own.

Samuel

March 1st, 2012 at 05:30am

Friday Funnies: Life with pets

With thanks to Irene for sending this one through

If I Didn’t Have A Dog…Or Cat……

I could walk barefoot around the yard in safety.

My house could be carpeted instead of tiled and laminated.

All flat surfaces, clothing, furniture, and cars would be hair-free.

When the doorbell rings, my home wouldn’t sound like a kennel.

When the doorbell rings, I could get to the door without wading through all the fuzzy bodies who beat me there.

I could sit on the couch and my bed any way I wanted, without having to take into consideration how much space several fur bodies need to get comfortable.

I would have enough money, and no guilt, to go on a real vacation.

I would not be on a first-name basis with 6 veterinarians, as I put their yet unborn grandkids through college.

The most used words in my vocabulary would not be:
“out,” “sit,” “down”, “come,” “no,” “stay,” and “leave it ALONE”.

My house would not be cordoned off into zones with baby gates and makeshift barriers.

I would not talk ‘baby talk’. ‘Eat your din din’. ‘Yummy Yummy for the tummy’..

My house would not look like a day care centre, with toys everywhere.

My pockets would not contain things like poop bags, treats and an extra leash.

I would no longer have to spell the words B-A-L-L, W-A-L-K, T-R-E-A-T, O-U-T, G-O, R-I-D-E, S-U-P-P-E-R, and C-O-O-K-I-E.

I would not have as many leaves INSIDE my house as outside.

I would not look strangely at people who think having ONE dog/cat ties them down too much.

I’d look forward to spring and the rainy season instead of dreading them as ‘mud’ season.

I would not have to answer the question: ‘Why do you have so many animals?’ from people who will never know the joy of being loved unconditionally by the closest thing to an angel they will ever encounter.

How EMPTY my life would be!!!

Samuel

February 17th, 2012 at 10:41am

Friday Funnies: Literal video version of White Wedding

This week’s Friday Funny is another literal video version of a song, this time being Dustin McLean’s adaptation of Billy Idol’s White Wedding.

Samuel

July 29th, 2011 at 12:23pm

Friday Funnies: Weird Al

This one was plastered all over the media a few weeks ago, but it amused me greatly at the time and it seems timely, so I’ll give it a run.

I’m sure that it would come as no surprise to regular (and even infrequent) readers of this blog that I am not a fan of Lady Gaga. I’m sure that there’s some talent there, but the act just doesn’t interest me. It is, however, virtually impossible to escape the media coverage of her tours, and she was in Sydney yesterday, so it reminded me of this little gem which popped up a few weeks ago. Weird Al Yankovic put together a rather clever and amusing parody of one of Lady Gaga’s songs, and also of her act. It amused me, and I hope it amuses you.

I’ll get back to the literal music videos next week. I think I still have one or two of them to share with you.

Samuel

July 15th, 2011 at 10:42am

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