Archive for May 1st, 2009

How they caught the (allegedly) drink driving ACTION bus driver

Earlier this week an ACTION bus driver was allegedly caught drink driving with a blood alcohol level twelve times over the 0.02 limit which applies to bus drivers.

Until now, all that has been known about how he was caught, is that police were called to the scene. I have received information from reliable sources which sheds some light on how this happened.

The driver in question is believed to have been working a “split shift”. He completed his morning shift and left work as normal. Later in the day he returned to work for his afternoon shift, allegedly drunk, not that anyone noticed at the time. The driver was apparently on his way to conduct a school run when, for one reason or another, ACTION’s communication centre attempted to contact him via the two-way radio system and received a slurred, garbled and unintelligible response.

The reaction of the communication centre was that the driver must be having a stroke, and as such they dispatched a supervisor to the scene. The supervisor found the driver in an allegedly drunk state, and called the police. The rest is history and documented the police press release.

Samuel

May 1st, 2009 at 09:26pm

So that’s why I received my stimulus payment today

The government want me to spend it on a stockpile of supplies to last for two weeks, so that I can then lock myself away from those killer pigs and their flu.

A federal government pandemic plan suggests Australians should be stockpiling enough supplies to last two weeks, on the back of an increase in the swine flu alert level.

The World Health Organisation raised its flu alert level on Wednesday to phase five out of six, signalling a pandemic is imminent.

Under a federal government pandemic plan, a phase five alert level is the trigger for Australians to stock up on enough food, water, household supplies and basic medicines to stay in their homes for 14 days.

Thankfully though, the government is ignoring its own advice. Apparently chaos is not high on their agenda (unless it keeps our minds away from government scandals, I presume)

A spokesman for the Department of Health and Ageing has called for calm, saying while its own manual may say people should be preparing, but they don’t want a run at the shops.

I’m sure the shops wouldn’t mind. I think it’s been a while since they sold out of everything simultaneously and had a chance to increase prices ten-fold due to demand.

Samuel

May 1st, 2009 at 02:08pm

The Hand Washing Dream

Considering that we’re all being told to wash our hands (and scan each other with thermal scanners) due to the pig flu, perhaps this dream from a bit over a week ago saw it all coming.

In this dream I was intending on walking from home to Fyshwick, but for some reason walked to Belconnen (Lathlain Street to be precise) and found myself on a street which looked like a derivative of Hardinge Street, Deniliquin.

I was standing out the front of a Home Hardware store and noticed that next door to it was a Coles supermarket, and next to that was an unnamed petrol station. In front of the Home Hardware store was a structure which looked like a British phone box but was in fact a dual-purpose hand-washing booth and LPG cylinder dispensary. I went in there and washed my hands, and then decided that I really did need to make a move and go to Fyshwick, only to suddenly realise that I did not have my key on me and needed to go home first, but did not have enough time to do so.

According to the logic of the dream, I was closer to Fyshwick than home, and going home first would double my travel time, which in the real world makes no sense because my house is more-or-less half way between Belconnen and Fyshwick.

A group of concerned on-lookers offered to carry me to Fyshwick, which prompted me to run back in to the hand-washing booth and wash my hands again.

At this point, thankfully, the dream ended.

Samuel

May 1st, 2009 at 12:00pm

Friday Funnies: Are these the worst Family Feud answers ever?

One way to make your half an hour on the television last a bit longer…provide answers to bad that the show gets uploaded to YouTube

If you have a joke or a funny video that you’d like to see here on a Friday, send an email to samuel@samuelgordonstewart.com and it might just appear in the coming weeks.

Samuel

May 1st, 2009 at 10:15am

Samuel’s Blog Weekly Poll: Obama’s first hundred days

The Mike Jeffreys fiasco really threw my week out because I had to hold off on launching a new poll at the beginning of the week in order to keep the Jeffreys story at the top of the front page. This posed a slight problem because I had been planning on giving the boat people poll a good run, and running this poll today. Unfortunately I need to cut the boat people poll off today, but it’s had a good response so I’m not too phased by it.

(And the award for superfluous paragraph of the week goes to…)

Anyway, Barack Obama’s first hundred days are over, and I’d like to know what you thought of it. It took me a while to decide how to phrase the possible answers, and in the end I decided on a simple grading system (the good ole’ A-F scale…not the bizarre A-E scale used by ACT schools):

What grade do you give Barack Obama for the first 100 days of his presidency?

If you would care to explain the reason for your grade in the comments below, that would be great, but you are under no obligation to do so.

The last poll came up with the answer I was expecting:

Boat people should be…

Total Votes: 23
Started: April 28, 2009

Not an unsurprising mix of responses by any means.

Results from previous polls can be viewed at http://samuelgordonstewart.com/weekly-poll-results.

Samuel

May 1st, 2009 at 08:02am

Stimulated, at last!

Do you have any idea how frustrating it is to have no money (I had $3 left), have a bunch of invoices falling due and have absolutely no idea how much longer it will take Kevin Rudd to find my bank account? Welcome to my life.

Thankfully Kevin found my bank account a few minutes ago and deposited $900.

So, today, invoice catchup, that pesky GST bill, a whole heap of biscuits to send to the US, a book to buy, a person to repay, and then I think I’ll see about moving the bulk of the remainder in to the savings account…I won’t make much interest from it, but any income is good right now.

Samuel

May 1st, 2009 at 02:45am


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