Archive for May 23rd, 2008

How Aldi Keep Their Prices Down

I just worked out how Aldi manage to keep their prices down. They get people off the street to write instructions on their products and then don’t pay them for it.

How else could they explain the instructions on a lasagne box saying to put the lasagne in a 1200 watt microwave for fifteen minutes. After 4 minutes and six seconds in an 1100 watt microwave it was overflowing; I can only imagine the melted plastic goop I would have been having to clean up if I had left it unattended for 15 minutes.

I’m not sure that the idea of putting the lasagne (in its plastic container) in a conventional oven for half an hour would have been much better.

Now, let’s hope that they actually paid the people that put the lasagne in the plastic container. If not, I will probably expire.

Samuel

1 comment May 23rd, 2008 at 09:17pm

Birthday Notice

As many of you know (or can easily work out), it will be my birthday at some stage within the next four weeks. As this is the case, and most of the people I know happen to read this blog, I need to say this clearly now to avoid difficulties later on.

I would like to make it perfectly clear that I do not want to be involved in any celebration of my birthday this year, nor do I wish to hear about my birthday. If you want to celebrate it, go right ahead, but please do not involve me in it. I would just like to treat that day in the same way as any other ordinary day of the year. I hope you understand and are not put out by this.

For those of you who don’t know me personally and are wondering what has brought this on, it seems that none of my subtle attempts at getting this message across have worked properly, so I have written this in order to make my wishes perfectly clear, and to avoid people going to the effort of putting together a celebration that I really don’t want.

Samuel

May 23rd, 2008 at 04:53am

Global Warming Side-Effect Of The Day: Changes to the duration of each day

Seeing as it’s Friday, I think you deserve two side-effects of global warming today:

1. Longer days:

Belgian scientists have identified a hitherto unsuspected benefit of global warming – more time for all of us.

They say increasing levels of carbon dioxide (CO2) in the atmosphere will slow the Earth’s rotation.

This will make every day a little longer than it is already.
[..]
They found that each day would lengthen because of angular momentum changes, including variations in surface pressure over land masses, average surface pressure over the ocean, and zonal winds and currents.
[..]
the effect would be measurable, with a probable increase of 11 microseconds per decade during this century.

The Belgian’s have also expanded on ACTION mathematics to the point where zero is replaced with a random positive number:

“It means 24 hours won’t be 24 hours any more. It will be something a little bit more.”

2. Days will be shorter:

Of all the possible ways in which climate change could affect our planet, this is the most bizarre: as the oceans warm up, Earth will start rotating a wee bit faster, reducing the length of a day.

The time it takes for Earth to complete one rotation is affected by anything that changes the distribution of the planet’s mass relative to its axis of rotation.

“Think of an ice skater who is spinning,” says Felix Landerer of the Max Planck Institute for Meteorology in Hamburg, Germany. “When you stretch your arms out you slow down, and when you bring your arms closer to your body you spin faster.” Earth, it seems, will hug itself a little bit tighter because of global warming.

Perhaps, if the Earth hugs itself and becomes more windy, the days won’t change at all.

Samuel

May 23rd, 2008 at 03:25am


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