Old Cooma Road Bridge Upgrade Was it a nightmare?

Depressive Episode

April 29th, 2008 at 02:44pm

It seems mildly odd to me that I can write about this here, addressed to nobody in particular, on a public blog which will be indexed by Google within the next few hours and be very difficult to ever completely remove from the Internet, and yet I have avoided mentioning this to anybody else, even completely omitting it from the list of things that happened on the weekend when asked by people I can confide in.

I hesitate to use the word “major” in front of “depressive episode” because I don’t think it quite fits the clinical definition…it was an episode, a fairly serious one, but I’m not prepared to call it “major”. What am I talking about? The events of Sunday morning around 4:30. I don’t remember the exact time, but what I do remember is that in the space of about five minutes, and for no apparent reason, I went from being in a relatively good mood, to being depressed enough to have to fight off the urge to visit a publicly accessible building of suitable height.

In the end, the best thing I could do was make myself go to bed and sleep. It took a long time to get to sleep, but I felt a little bit better when I awoke. I didn’t really fully come out of the depressive episode until late last night, and to be perfectly honest I’m not entirely sure that I’m over it yet, but I suppose I can be pleased with the fact that certain buildings don’t seem as appealing as they once did.

As I said, this all happened for no apparent reason…perhaps I’d just been un-depressed for too long, considering that I had a relatively good week and it had been a week or so since I noticeably felt depressed, it’s a workable theory. Otherwise I’m confused. I like to understand things, and the fact that I can’t understand why I suddenly took a nose-dive on Sunday morning concerns me. Will I finally seek professional help, probably not. Should I be seeking professional help? Most likely, but how exactly do I force myself to do so when I would rather not have any interaction with any human being while I’m depressed, and I don’t seem to want help when things are going well?

If there is one thing I seem to be very good at, it’s getting myself in to situations that I just can’t manage. I count three of them at this point in time, two of them are my own fault, and one of them (this one)…well I wouldn’t be surprised if it has something to do with the other two…in fact I’m almost certain it’s related to at least one of them, but now I’m being intentionally vague and defeating the purpose of writing this publicly. This article is long enough…and once again, writing like this has been mildly therapeutic.

Samuel

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9 Comments

  • 1. Tony  |  April 30th, 2008 at 12:26 am

    I think we all have that Samuel, we all have down times and I think you writing about it is a good idea, as it gets it off your chest.
    In my down times I find music helps or walking or just a change in surroundings.
    Pets help too, I find being around animals lifts my spirit as dogs I have found in my case have amazing powers.
    I think they have so much positive energy it rubs off, I really do.

  • 2. jLo  |  April 30th, 2008 at 9:20 am

    hey, Sam, there’s a difference between feeling a bit down every once in a while and entertaining thoughts involving buildings. I’m glad you’re feeling better, but you may want to consider mentioning the episode to your GP.

  • 3. fathead  |  April 30th, 2008 at 9:30 am

    Samuel, this is really worrying – I think you should see someone about this. Speak to a GP, or there’s some good counsellors in the area that bulk bill. Sounds like you just need some professional advice.

  • 4. welshy  |  April 30th, 2008 at 9:35 am

    Sam

    Seek professional help ASAP

  • 5. Mick  |  April 30th, 2008 at 10:18 am

    Hey mate, I would suggest u check in with your G.P and tell him or her about how u are feeling. Heading into the colder months of a Canberra winter tends to get me down It’s no big deal just look after yourself dude.
    Keep us blog readers posted on how ya doing.

    🙂

  • 6. padders  |  April 30th, 2008 at 1:18 pm

    I am not an expert on depression but I have some interest in the medical field. What you have described sounds almost like Bipolar Disorder. We all have ups and downs. That’s normal. What is not normal is when both the ups and downs are extreme and recurring. I would strongly encourage you to talk to your GP (take your blog entry above along with you to give them an idea of what you are going through). At the very least check out some websites that offer support such as grow.net.au. I feel that what you are going through is not something that can be fixed without professional help.

  • 7. jag  |  April 30th, 2008 at 11:49 pm

    Hey Samuel,
    If you do find yourself not wanting to talk to the living, I’ve found the moodgym website quite good:

    http://www.moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome

    It’s essentially like cognitive-behavioural therapy, so if you find it helpful, maybe consider finding a psychologist that’s into CBT around the place.
    Cheers!

  • 8. Anthony Spruce  |  May 5th, 2008 at 4:58 pm

    We’ve all been there once apon a time mate…

    I would be lying if I said I’ve never attempted/considered it.

  • 9. WonkoTheSane13  |  May 21st, 2008 at 9:29 pm

    You’ll think I’m not being serious, but I am when I say,
    2CA style music is incredibly depressing. I drove a truck for a while and all it had was AM. Nearly killed me.
    Music is incredibly powerful.
    Try something more modern and upbeat.

    If that fails,
    Try crazy amounts of exercise. Hang around with triathletes, they are very happy and have no time to be depressed!


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