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Golf

February 23rd, 2007 at 09:18am

Those of you who were listening to Glenn Wheeler on Sunday afternoon would have already heard my golf joke…but here it is anyway

Q: What happens in Golf when your ball hits a bird?
A: You get a free birdie!

OK, here’s one from Terry in Lismore (he informs me that he is a (John Laws network station) 2LM listener).

Three golfing buddies died in a car accident and went to heaven.
Upon arrival, they noticed the most beautiful golf course they had ever seen. St. Peter told them they were welcome to play the course, but he cautioned them with one rule: “Don’t step on the ducks.”

The men had blank expressions on their faces, and finally one of them said, “The ducks?”
“Yes,” St. Peter Said. “There are millions of ducks walking around the golf course, and when one of them is stepped on, he squawks, and then the one next to him squawks, and soon they’re all raising hell and it really breaks the tranquility. If you step on the ducks, you’ll be punished.”

The men start playing the course, and within 15 minutes, one of the guys stepped on a duck. The duck squawked, and soon there was a deafening roar of ducks quacking.
St. Peter appeared with an extremely homely woman and asked, “Who stepped on a duck?”
“I did,” admitted one of the men. St. Peter immediately pulled out a pair of handcuffs and cuffed the man to the homely woman. “I told you not to step on the ducks,” he said. “Now you’ll be handcuffed together for eternity.”

The two other men were very cautious not to step on any ducks, but a couple of weeks later, one of them accidentally did. The quacks were as deafening as before, and within minutes, St. Peter walked up with a woman who was even uglier than the other one. He determined who stepped on the duck by seeing the fear in the man’s face, and he cuffed him to the woman. “I told you not to step on the ducks,” St. Peter said. “Now you’ll be handcuffed together for eternity.”

The third man was extremely careful. Some days he wouldn’t even move for fear of nudging a duck. After three months of this, he still hadn’t stepped on a duck. St. Peter walked up to the man and had with him the most beautiful woman the man had ever seen. St. Peter smiled and without a word, handcuffed him to the beautiful woman and walked off.

The man, knowing that he would be handcuffed to this woman for eternity, let out a sigh and said, “What have I done to deserve this?”
The woman replied: “I don’t know about you, but I stepped on a duck.”

Do you have something you would like to contribute to Friday Funnies? If so, email it to smoothwallsamuel@gmail.com. All contributions welcome!

Samuel

Entry Filed under: Friday Funnies

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8 Comments

  • 1. Bearded Clam  |  February 26th, 2007 at 6:34 pm

    I find this terribly offensive, Sam. Youre suggesting that it is terrible to be with ugly people regardless of their personality.

    What have you got against the less beautiful people, Sam? I expected better from you.

  • 2. Samuel  |  February 26th, 2007 at 7:56 pm

    Uh huh…I see, you’re one of the people who is easily offended by jokes are you? Well you have two options:

    1. Stop reading the jokes
    2. Submit non-offensive jokes.

  • 3. Bearded Clam  |  February 26th, 2007 at 11:54 pm

    Whats next, jokes about fat people? Retarded people? I hoped you were above this sort of hate-speech, Sam.

    But mark my words…some cracking Friday Funnies are headed your way!

  • 4. Samuel  |  February 27th, 2007 at 12:45 am

    I have my limits, and I look forward to your contributions.

  • 5. Bearded Clam  |  February 28th, 2007 at 8:38 pm

    Heres one:

    What did the zero say to the eight?

    Nice belt!

  • 6. Samuel  |  February 28th, 2007 at 9:00 pm

    Do you have something you would like to contribute to Friday Funnies? If so, email it to smoothwallsamuel@gmail.com. All contributions welcome!

  • 7. Bearded Clam  |  February 28th, 2007 at 9:29 pm

    A guy goes into a bar and says, “Quick, gimme a beer before the trouble starts!” The barman looks around the sleepy bar, shrugs and hands the guy a bottle of beer.

    The guy drinks it fast. “Quick! gimme another beer before the trouble starts!”
    The barman looks at the guy oddly but hands another beer to the guy.

    The guy drinks it fast. “Quick another beer before the trouble starts!”
    The barman hands him another beer, with a frown on his face, but hands it over reluctantly.

    Again, the guy drinks it fast. “Quick another beer before the trouble starts!”
    The barman replies, “Look pal, exactly what trouble are you talking about?”

    “I haven’t got any money!”

  • 8. Samuel  |  February 28th, 2007 at 9:32 pm

    As I keep saying, send them by email. I like that last one and will accept it, but I have to hold it over for a few weeks because you just published it here.


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