December 17th, 2006 at 02:26pm
It’s been a while since I had enough material for a post about the strange things people write about me.
Last week I wrote an email to Stuart Bocking explaining various aspects of my health, this was a follow-up to a phone call I made to Stuart the morning before when I couldn’t sleep (I can’t remember most of that call now).
The banned former contributors to this site who inhabit BrownNoiseUnit decided to expand on that email, making extensive use of their perverted imaginations along the way.
Stuart, I love you in a more-than-a-friend way. I want to tell you things I tell no one else. I want to fall asleep on your shoulder, take long walks in the rain, and gaze deeply into your eyes over the rim of my Nescafe Kenjaro cup. Oh Stuart, how I long to show the sights, sounds and smells of Kairnbra! Coffee at Civic, a croquet at Kingsley’s Chicken, a stroll in the late afternoon past a construction site! Just you, Nattie, a radio, the camera and me.
Stuart, I think of you all the time. Even when I am not listening to your breakfast shift, your voice is forever in my head. Sometimes I just lie on my bed, close my eyes and let the memory of your voice take hold of my whole being.
I have to go now, Stuart. I will call you as soon as I get off work. If I don’t get through I’ll send a text, and if you don’t have your phone on you I’ll email. What’s your home number again?
Anyway, if for some silly odd reason we don’t link up, I’ll be in the cafe across the road from where you work. I’m the one with the binoculars and the anorak!
I yearn for you tragically. Have a great weekend! I’ll be listening (and watching!)
Admittedly I find the whole thing quite amusing (and a tad disturbing), but, if I was a deranged lunatic, it might be something I would write…I think the only reply I would ever get would be the police charging me with stalking or harrassment, and a court order banning me from going anywhere near a radio station, or making any contact with anyone who works in radio…there might even be a clause banning me listening to the radio.
The blatently obvious bottom line though is that Stuart hosts a show on 2UE, I along with many other people contribute to that show as a caller and an emailer, yes I would like to meet Stuart one day, I gather that the feeling is mutual as he invited me to his Christmas function (an invitation I had to turn down due to work commitments), but it doesn’t go any further than a penpal type friendship.
I accept that some people try to stereotype me as a stalker, but that notion is so far from the truth that it is amusing.
Moving on, and someone who I probably went to school with sent this email via the contact form (with a fake email address too)
From……: the ginger bread man
Subject…: u dont kno me sammy but i kno u
ive been watching u for a long time sammy, and the time has come for the rape and pillage of “bagland” i plan to conquer this wonderful land and keep it for myself.
I can think of a few people who this could be, thankfully most of them matured beyond that point by the end of year 8, obviously some didn’t.
For the record, it was “Bag”, not “Bagland”, and at varying stages there was also “Locker”, “Desk”, “Pencil Case”, “Rabbit Land”, “Dog Land” and “Samuel Land”. And seeing as the world hasn’t changed for “the ginger bread man” in at least the last six years, and probably more, Pencil Case contains a rather large army led by the fearless Commander Ruler, and will be backed up by The Book Of Wisdom (aka a dictionary which makes a good projectile).
Ah memories, thanks for the walk down memory lane, ginger bread man.
Update 4:35PM 17/Dec/2006: I think this effort from Chuck A. Spear is worth a mention.
Good Morning The Beige Baron
Submitted by Chuck A. Spear on December 16, 2006 – 2:15am.
Good Morning The Beige Baron err The Beige Lunatic.
Since you have the flu, how are the aches, pains, and general zombieish feelings? I have been mixing my medicine with coffee. If I whinge this much at 19, what will I be like at 69?
Always and forever
Reminds me a little bit of a Beatles song:
Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I’m 64?