RIP Tony Campbell So maybe I will subscribe to Crikey

Samuel on Insatiable Banalities #45

May 23rd, 2006 at 12:04pm

For those of you who just want the audio and can’t be bothered reading, click here.

On Tuesday May 16, Nattie and I were embarking on our evening walkies (which was walkies number 85 of the walkies cycle) which took us past the house of Loadedog (for the 5th of 14 times in the walkies cycle). When we walked past all was quiet and we kept on walking, but when we got a further two doors down I saw Loadedog’s ute going past, so Nattie and I turned back and went to say hello to Loadedog. A conversation ensued, one thing led to another (insert further clichés here) and Loadedog invited me on to Insatiable Banalities…that very night, for “one hour between seven and nine”. I, seeking a clarification, pointed out that a two hour window had been nominated, and Loadedog just said to come for an hour sometime between seven and nine.

When I got home I checked a couple things, and then decided that 7:45 would probably be the best time for me to turn up, so I fired off a quick email to Loadedog to inform him (and in my haste sent it to an address which he rarely checks).

At 7:40 (or thereabouts) I left home, and arrived at Loadedog’s place a tad after 7:45, when I got to the front door I could clearly hear Johnboy talking about something…the thought of a nasty verbal stoush with Johnboy about me getting up his nose on The RiotACT made me rethink my appearance for about half a second, in which time I decided that I was already there, and having never met Johnboy in person I shouldn’t be trying to preempt what might happen (I try to preempt what’s in my postal mail sometimes…I get so worked up over what could be in an envelope sometimes), so I rang the doorbell.

The door was answered by Gertrude and Sharkie, who looked mildly surprised to see me (in fact I do recall Gertrude announcing on Insatiable Banalities #30 that she didn’t want me on the show, probably because I was in the midst of the Spin Starts Here fiasco and attracting a lot of torment-style attention), but did direct me in to the Insatiable Banalities studio. This can be vaguely heard at the 25 minute mark.

I entered, and followed studio etiquette of remaining silent until called upon, which did happen a few moments later with some introductions, Johnboy then found a chair for me to sit on, and the show rolled on.

A little bit later on they cut to a song, during which some conversation took place in the studio. Just prior to the return from the break, Johnboy said that he would start off the interview of me, to which I mildly snidely muttered “of course you will”. In hindsight, this may have been partially unjust of me.

Johnboy and Samuel Gordon-Stewart on Insatiable Banalities 45
(Johnboy and Samuel Gordon-Stewart on Insatiable Banalities #45, photo courtesy Loadedog)

Johnboy did lead off the interview, announcing that I was the only person to ever call talkback radio (and more specifically Mike Jeffreys) to complain about him (something which this article on RiotACT proves to be false), and the interview carries on from there with topics such as the name of Samuel’s Persiflage, personal impressions of Samuel’s Blog, personal impressions of me etc etc. Johnboy declared that the people who comment here on this site “are a band of some of the most subtle humourists at work in the Internet”, whilst I consider a lot of you “unfortunately legit”, not only because of your unusual ideas of hidden messages, but because I would prefer it if some of you were actually my own fictional creations, as I would love to be able to take credit for making up some of the things you all seem to write.

The question was asked about whether or not this site is really reflective of my interests, to which I answered “for the most part”, although the show did move on before I could accurately describe that. I do occasionally over emphasise some of my interests (for example I’m not very interested in construction, but I do love taking photos…and having photographic tours. I am interested in the progress of major constructions though), and what you see here doesn’t reflect my entire life. If I wrote a fully public, accurate, diary of my life, you’d all be bored to tears and would never come back, Jim Boots/Loadedog is mostly correct when he says that “you couldn’t have created a character that seemed more ordinary, verging on boring”, a statement which is probably true of most people who go about their lives on a day-to-day basis.

There is also the fact that the more of my life that I put on the Internet, the more personal attacks I seem to get. I did subconciously scale back the amount of “my life” that goes on this site after the Spin Starts Here fisaco, because some people seem to take joy out of making fun of others, and it hurts to be on the receiving end of a campaign like that. I did learn some things from that fiasco, but I wouldn’t want to go through it again, even if I had developed a thicker skin.

The subject of John B1_B5 did, semi-surprisingly, come up, with Johnboy making it clear that he is no fan, although I did explain that I probably have a better and different understanding of John B1_B5 from actually meeting him in person. At one stage Johnboy did try to force a straight answers on the question of whether or not John B1_B5 “shows every sign of someone who’s been sitting at home too long without any human contact”, I would have liked to categorically say “no”, but that would have undoubtedly prompted an all-out character attack against John B1_B5, something which I was already trying to avoid…in the end I think sidestepping that question with an answer which, to somebody who ONLY listens to that question, may come across as being on Johnboy’s side, and then going into logical reasoning as to why I think John B1_B5 is a perfectly fine human being, was the best action to take.

The podcast continued, there was plenty of banter during and between the segments, and eventually it ended. I stuck around for a little while afterwards, and Johnboy seemed like a much nicer person in person, than online, and it would appear that any bitterness which may have occurred have since subsided. I do get the impression that Johnboy could take “shock jock” over to the ABC though.

It was probably close to 9:20 when I left for home, and continued work on Samuel’s Persiflage #5.

Anyway, Johnboy has a mini-writeup of Insatiable Banalities #45 on The RiotACT, whilst Loadedog has a more detailed writeup, including the photo you see above, over on his website.

Insatiable Banalities #45 can be downloaded by clicking here, it goes for 1 hour, 3 minutes and 57 seconds, and is 36.5MB. I join the episode at the 25 minute mark, and I think you will all find the interview somewhat interesting…I know I did.

Samuel

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25 Comments

  • 1. heatseeker  |  May 23rd, 2006 at 1:06 pm

    “A band of some of the most subtle humourists at work in the Internet” … well, I for one am insulted – Johnboy, beware the lurker in the shadows intent on garnsihing your head with an 825g tin of Black and Yellow pineapple pieces (with the new label, after the refreshing change).

    I’m sure that Wonko, Chuck and HMV will be similarly miffed – we are serious scholars merely trying to unmask the mystery that is Samuel Gordon Stewart, and the disturbing messages he is sending to the weak of mind through this blog and his Persiflage pulpit.

  • 2. somac  |  May 23rd, 2006 at 3:32 pm

    I don’t like this Johnboy chap. Don’t like his haughty bearing. Don’t like the cut of his job. I feel that he should have his head dropped onto big rocks. Or was that the other way around? Regardless, there is nothing subtle about my, or any other commenter’s humour.

    For examply, here is a funny joke:

    Q. Why did the cow fall of the bicycle?
    A. Because someone threw a fridge at it.

    Ha!

  • 3. heatseeker  |  May 23rd, 2006 at 4:57 pm

    I wonder if there is some significance in the fact that the bottle Johnboy is drinking out of is pointing at Samuel in the photograph … is he evoking that horrible, horrible blog Needs to be Glassed?

    And is that drink in Samuel’s hand a beer? Doesn’t look like coffee!

  • 4. Samuel  |  May 23rd, 2006 at 5:10 pm

    Water actually

  • 5. Brother Sage  |  May 23rd, 2006 at 10:36 pm

    I was very impressed by how well you came across on Insatiable Banalaties #45. Samuel, your responses were well-founded and you knew when to hold your tongue.
    Good on you Samuel for being a good interviewee as well as a good interviewer.
    Like Jesus did when He was harassed in John 8:7, you just stood your ground. Continue the good work and let the sinners cast the first stones. (But don’t return the stones as that would constitute NOT turning cheeks {retribution gets a little tricky here so try to stay happy with getting hit with stones}).
    But remember, with all this fame and attention;

    “It’s nice to be important, but it’s important to be nice.”

    These wise words came from my training Monsignor (like a Jedi Master but can’t do cool tricks).
    Peace and Love.

  • 6. wonko the sane  |  May 23rd, 2006 at 11:44 pm

    Well said, Brother Sage. Heiromonarch Thyme would be proud of your moderating and encouraging influence on us all.

    As Jebus said, it is better to walk a mile with a stone in your sandshoe than pass by a Samaritan and not offer an alm. And we can all take comfort in that.

    I am glad the feud with Johnboy has been reconciled with a laying down of palm fronds. I enjoyed listening to the podcast. I think you did well, and you even slipped a joke in there. Well done.

    My concern is the prolonged disappearance of Chuck A Spear. I am afraid he has been spirited away to the Nice Garden You-Know-Where and pressed for information about the Dolgnwot Question. I notice you seem to be concealing something underneath your skivvy and jacket Sam. Is that the latest communique from your Master about the Codes for the next Dolgnwot installment?

    If anyone has any information about Chuck’s whereabouts, contact your local authorities immediately. These cults can be dangerous.

    And Brother Sage, could I ask you to maybe sprinkle some holy water over your computer and offer a few psalms for chuck?

  • 7. lucylou  |  May 23rd, 2006 at 11:52 pm

    Hi Sam

    I was just sitting here procrastinating and reflecting on your last post. I actually don’t agree that your blog is boring but I have found it hard to articulate why it is that I find your blog so interesting. Well I’ve figured it out…..

    Most of the blogs I read are packed full of drama- for example today’s entries include someone having a cervical cancer operation, someone having huge problems raising her son, someone who posts pictures of themselves in every post, someone who got pregnant on purpose to a man who does not love her and is now single (didn’t see that one coming) and someone whose blog is entitiled ‘crazy ass family.’

    You see the thing I figured out is that most people love drama. They love having something interesting to say and having people strongly react to their posts. Most people need and want their lives to be chaos- it excites them. Yours however is a blog that doesn’t need nor seek drama. You are who you are and you don’t live your life to search out the extreme highs and lows of our existence. And I do believe that out of all the blogs I read yours would hands down be the most honest.

    So there you have it- lucy’s analysis of why you are popular. You are safe, have a strong sense of self and can be replied upon to be who you are in every post on every day.

    Sorry to have rambled there.

    Take care

  • 8. wonko the sane  |  May 24th, 2006 at 12:42 am

    Nice sentiment Lucy. I also think blogs are a bit of a popularity contest. Come to my blog! Subscribe to my newsletter!

    I also think that Sam should stick to sharing the details of his life… hearing the details of natties walks and spatchcock dinners gives me a sense of calm.

    Still, as a precaution I always wrap myself thoroughly in B&G foil before logging on. I don’t want to take any unnecessary risks.

  • 9. Chuck A. Spear  |  May 24th, 2006 at 1:39 am

    It seems I have returned from my hiatus from blogging. I just couldn’t keep away. The alleged death threat to my child was not carried through. However, the one directed towards me a few weeks back was attempted.

    I was going for my regular walk through the Belangalo State Forest when I heard the sound of a motorcycle. This startled me. The motorcycle came towards me at a terrific speed. I tried to run but it caught up and I just stood there frozen with fear. A shadowy figure then got of the bike. My heart was racing. The figure then emerged from the darkness into the moonlight. It was a large man dressed in a floral dress wearing large red boxing gloves. He yelled ‘I am going to rip your bloody arms off!’

    It was none other than Aunty Jack. He grabbed my arms then ripped them off from the shoulders down. He then stapled a 2CC poster to my posterior. I am now armless and have not been able to type or sit down.

    Luckily my Nanna fashioned a knitting needle to a large rubber band that I can fit onto my foil helmet. She also bought me an inflatable hemorrhoid pillow. Thus enabling me to type using my head and allowing to sit down without wincing.

    I hope Johnboy appears in the next series of Dolgnwot then falls down a mine. We can then vote whether or not he should be dug out. If he is successful in returning to the surface he then a telemovie can be written about it by Ms Hardy and her clique.

  • 10. heatseeker  |  May 24th, 2006 at 8:53 am

    Good to see you back Chuck, and sorry about the bloody arms – although it could have been a lot worse … I was going to walk Samantha past that “nice garden in Reid” just to see if she reacted to any decaying odours (I personally specially trained her, Inspector Rex style).

    I too have been tardy in posting, as I have been in hiding because I am still stalking myself, and any post seems to bring immediate death threats to me and my children.

    I hope that 2CC poster doesn’t have the “five horsemen of the Apocalypse” … perhaps it’s Aunty Jack’s none so subtle way of saying you have a butt the size of the back of a bus!

    Yes, Johnboy down a mine in an upcoming Dolgnwot … that would put him in a prime position for us to all drop big rocks on his head.

    Moving right along, I am trembling in anticipation at the prospect of seeing Lawsie in Dolgnwot guise tomorrow morning.

  • 11. wonko the sane  |  May 24th, 2006 at 11:29 am

    Welcome back Chuck. What with Heatseeker in hiding, your good self recovering from the run-in with Aunty and myself arguing self-defence in a Japanese court for strapping a six-year-old boy to a ceiling fan and setting into ‘high’ at school, things have been quiet here. Still, Brother Sage has been guiding the flock in your absence.

    There is still so much work to be done. I have it on good information that there has been a terrible accident in Dolgnwot — Johnboy and Eddie McGuire have been trapped down a mine, and the only way Sam could rescue them was by using the Golden Microphone to summon Lawsie from is old mansion in Transylvannia (sorry for the spelling there). Then Ray Martin had a stroke when covering the story, sparking wild celebrations all over Dolgnwot shire.

    So start preparing your foil suits, we have another mystery to get to the bottom of.

  • 12. heatseeker  |  May 24th, 2006 at 12:16 pm

    You should be fine Wonko … sounds like a perfectly logical course of action to me – you only have to do it to one, and the rest get the message.

    Like you, speculation is running rife about what will happen in Dolgnwot tomorrow.

    I don’t know how much you’d have to offer Eddie for his story if he ever makes it out of the mine since he’s rolling in it, but I’m sure Johnboy could be signed up for a six pack and a few Super 14 tickets.

    I suppose Eddie could follow my lead and negotiate with himself after shouting himself copious drinks at a pub for a Channel 9 deal, which would also mean he would both sign and witness the agreement.

    Ray Martin would also be able to hawk that footage of him having a stroke to Australia’s Funniest Home Videos – everyone’s would be a winner!

    And I’m sure Lawsie will be able to backdoor Alan Jones to get the scoop down the shaft via the Golden Microphone.

  • 13. wonko the sane  |  May 24th, 2006 at 1:10 pm

    Ha ha, yes I’m sure Alan would invite Lawsie in with a deal via the back door.

    I for one cannot wait to see how this mystery will unravel.

  • 14. cunninglinguist  |  May 25th, 2006 at 8:41 pm

    I still believe that there are messages and codes contained with Dolgnwot. Samuel is the new Nostradamus; a soothsayer in skivvies.

    I would have liked Johnboy to ask Samuel more about the man/boy himself.

    For example, does Samuel’s coffee consumption result in more trips to the little boys’ room?

    How many skivvies does he own? Does Mrs G-S do his clothes shopping?

    Who is his hair “stylist”?

    Does he believe in a God?

    Does he have any romantic feelings/sex drive at all (and I’m not talking about Nattie)?

  • 15. His Masters Voice  |  May 26th, 2006 at 10:26 am

    I haven’t yet listened to the interview Samuel but I will, and pass my comments on then. I have a question though about the gentleman in the photograph with you. Why is he speaking through a megaphone shaped like a beer bottle while you are only a couple of metres away from him? Are you hard of hearing?

  • 16. cunninglinguist  |  May 26th, 2006 at 5:21 pm

    Is Johnboy rather stout from drinking stout, or is he pregnant? If so, congratulations to Johnboy for the bun in the oven.

  • 17. His Masters Voice  |  May 27th, 2006 at 12:39 am

    All the best to the expectant parent then.

    I have started downloading the broadcast Samuel and my hand cranked 14,400 modem should have it it no time; by tomorrow evening if I’m lucky.

    But looking again at the picture of the stout chap bellowing at you through the megaphone has raised another question in my mind.

    To his left there is a ground level light which appears to be emanating from a portal of some sort and just near that there is what appears to be a dalek. Was this photograph taken in the Tardis? And is the pregnant gentleman a time lord?

  • 18. wonko the sane  |  May 27th, 2006 at 12:48 am

    With the megaphone he looks more Nimon than time lord.

    That was a superb pickup, HMV. They’re slipping. Obviously the Department for Truth & Justice at Garden Reid missed this one.

    I’m getting the shot to the crime lab right away…

  • 19. cunninglinguist  |  May 27th, 2006 at 2:41 pm

    I magnified this photograph using my trusty Irfanview, which revealed something intriguing, and possibly sinister:

    Samuel is wearing a YELLOW skivvy.

    Now Google finds me this meaning for the colour yellow:

    “Yellow produces a warming effect, arouses cheerfulness, stimulates mental activity, and generates muscle energy. Yellow is seen before other colors when placed against black; this combination is often used to issue a warning. In heraldry, yellow indicates honor and loyalty. Later the meaning of yellow was connected with cowardice.

    This raises some questions. Is Samuel wearing yellow to generate muscle energy in case he engages in battle with the Time Lord? Is he wearing it to issue a warning? Or is he – I hope not – fearful in this meeting with the Time Lord? Another theory is that Samuel’s favourite Wiggle is Greg the Yellow Wiggle.

    I also note that there appears to be yellow electrical tape on the microphone’s wiring. Is Samuel using the connection between the yellow skivvy and the yellow tape to transmit messages to the universe? Or did Samuel wear the yellow skivvy to repel the evil emanating from the yellow tape?

    Another aspect of this snapshot which Irfanview, sadly, failed to clarify – is that the stout gentleman’s knee pointing at Samuel, or is he “happy to see him”?

    Most disturbing.

  • 20. His Masters Voice  |  May 28th, 2006 at 10:53 am

    I was alarmed to see that bulge cunning. The pregnant gentleman does seem profoundly excited about something. Perhaps we should give him the benefit of the doubt and say it is his maternal condition or the acquisition of the new megaphone

    I downloaded the broadcast and pressed it to vinyl before playing it on my hi-fi gramophone. I’m afraid the smugness of the participants caused me to regurgitate my breakfast but apart from that and the extreme tedium of listening to their boring prattle the high point was your appearance. Alas the tiresome rambling stopped me from listening to the whole thing but I was impressed with your sensible input. Congratulations for showing them how to behave while broadcasting to a mixed audience.

    I suggest that you don’t put in another appearance as I would be extremely suspicious of their motivations and, quite frankly, the excitement shown by that stout fellow would be disturbing to a normal person like yourself. Even if it is his megaphone which caused it. I mean where does one fix one’s eyes while speaking to an aroused pregnant man?

    I’m looking forward to your next persiflage. Could you interview the fellow about the miracle of his pregnancy?

  • 21. cunninglinguist  |  May 28th, 2006 at 3:41 pm

    Now please examine Samuel’s body language. Mr Pease, if you are a regular reader of Samuel’s Blog, perhaps you can assist?

    Samuel is leaning away from the stout pregnant gentleman with the florid compextion, megaphone and the protruding trousers. He appears defensive against some kind of threat.

    Is it because the stout gentleman has a resemblance to The Hon. Alexander Downer MP, Minister for Foreign Affairs?

    Could the stout gentleman have halitosis, BO or flatulence?

  • 22. cunninglinguist  |  May 28th, 2006 at 3:43 pm

    In my last post, I meant ‘florid complextion’. Please excuse my sweaty fingers.

    Which brings me to another mystery, that of the stained singlet on the wall.

    Could it be a souvenir string vest from The Goodies? String, string, string, everybody loves string…

  • 23. cunninglinguist  |  May 28th, 2006 at 3:44 pm

    Damn this keyboard! ‘Complexion’. No T, unless of course it is Mr T.

  • 24. wonko the sane  |  May 29th, 2006 at 2:35 am

    The body language is extreme. Again, Sam proves he is a Lion in a yellow skivvy.

  • 25. heatseeker  |  May 29th, 2006 at 7:21 pm

    Yes, you can see the generally haughty Johnboy is somewhat cowed …


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